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Crouchingtigerlily
814 M Little Steps
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts77 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2023 Member sinceSeptember 7, 2017
Bio

Non-binary femme boi coping with my transition and CPTSD. Just got top surgery and living in gender euphoria, but I'm still going through a lot. It's hard living in another country when half my life is back Inn the states.

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How to cope Post-op for top surgery
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by Crouchingtigerlily
Last post
 April 2nd, 2023
...See more Hey Folks, I had top surgery almost a week ago and I'm living in gender euphoria. However, I'm experiencing some depression because of exhaustion and isolation after the operation. I also lost some close relationships recently. My oldest sister (15 year age gap) used to be my best friend and confidant. She was there for me when I came out as queer to the rest of my family, supported me through hard times at uni when my depression was bad, and encouraged me to chase my dreams of traveling the world. She also had her dark side too of calling me a crybaby every time I had a breakdown, told me I need to "take responsibility" for being SA because I let the person into my room, and 8 years ago when I was very sure about starting T and transitioning she told me I would regret it and vehemently talked me out of it. However she really started to change once the Panini started 3 years ago. She became a self proclaimed TERF, became antivaxx, and spends her days listening to podcasts and TikToks and spewing the hateful things they say. It came to a point where a year ago I started to distance myself from her because it was too much, I couldn't stand picking up the phone and hearing my sister say that people are "butchering themselves" getting top surgery, among other awful things that mad my stomach turn. I don't know how someone can believe and recite such hateful things. Maybe that is my naivety. After top surgery I genuinely felt happy. I cried seeing my chest and my ONLY regret is not doing it sooner. Not making a different decision 8 years ago because I trusted someone who is like a second mom to me. I only told close friends, my wife, my mom, my other sister (who literally told my dad to stop misgendering me and get with the program that I'm trans) that I'm getting the top surgery. During the first few nights I had nightmares about my oldest sister and woke up screaming. My anxiety was awful and I had panic attacks about what would happen if I told her. After the fourth night I but the bullet and texted her a long and loving message that I love her, the things she says are hateful and hurt me, that I got top surgery and I want her to be in my life but she has to stop being a TERF. She responded by saying that I'm manipulative and that I should have just "told her I got the surgery and not all this other bs". It was a hard decision but I chose to block her. I feel better knowing I have a support system around me of friends and family, but it also hurts that my sister sees me as something disgusting. So now I'm facing this ambivalence of being so happy and proud of myself for standing up for myself, living my truth, and transitioning and at the same time feeling depression from hormone changes and depression.
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