I don't really know what to say or where to start. Autistic, Schizoaffective(still in denial ig) type one, DID, PTSD, Anxiety obviously. Never happy, though it's always been my one wish besides love(not the mooshy kind) just genuine authentic love😔. I love humanity maybe I'm hyper fixated I'm not sure. I'm not sure of anything anymore except, I'm here for others. Just no one's here for me and id really like that I'm sure. Deconstructed Christian, religious trauma. Being brown is a crime appearantly because there are those who don't see me as human. Borders crossed the people and my heart can't take it anymore, caring and worrying all while hating me for being me. I may have just went on a small rant. I'm always worried so much now lately I've been having spikes in my bp I dont have issues with that so I know it's gotten seriously bad. I just need someone who genuinely cares to talk to. To be heard. My life feels like an alternate reality I don't belong in. I can't leave though, as it will be too painful for those I care about. Though strangely enough I don't think I'm on they actually dive a f, only when they lose others. I wan to be happy, live life on a minimalist level. Just terrified for my mom extremely terrified. I'm lost. I don't know what's real anymore. I'd rather be having a seriously bad dream, I have a lot of those. My mind is never quiet not even when I "sleep". So much has happened in my life it just feels unreal.