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DRC688
1 45 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts4 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2017 Member sinceJanuary 26, 2017
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Gaining courage to speak up
Trauma Support / by DRC688
Last post
 March 6th, 2017
...See more I am a little nervous about sharing my experiences as I never really told anyone about my sexual abuse. I think I never told because I was partly ashamed, embarrassed, and just fearful of how others would react to hearing about it. I wasn't really sure if anyone woulfd believe me. I was sexually abused for the first time at about 2-years-old and at various other times in my childhood by family members and friends of the family. I am still affected by these experiences even though I have tried to put them behind me and forget and move on with my life, but sometimes I just can't. Bad memories have a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect them to and suck the joy right out of you. I can remember the very first time that I was abused as if it were yesterday and even though I was so young when it happened it sort of sticks with me. When I was younger I think I must've have suppressed the memory, but as I got older the memory resurfaced and I can't seem to shake it. I was molested by my stepfather. At the time I guess I was being potty trained and I don't know if that was his sick way of potty training me, but all I know is that my mother often says that he potty trained me and she don't know how he did it but he did. Everytime I hear my mother tell the story about how difficult I was to potty train and my then stepfather stepped in and saved the day, I wanted to scream out exactly what he did, but I never do. I can remember the pain that I felt that night as he penetrated me and how scared I was. I always wonder how is it that my mother never knew I was molested or if she knows and never did/said anything. I don't blame my mother, but at the same time I always just wonder. I don't know. I have a lot of unanswered questions that hopefully I would get the courage to ask one day.
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