Danc632 Member Profile

...See more I'm 38, single, own my home, struggling financially, and barely keeping up with the responsibilities I have. Sometimes, I just want to sell my house and move back in with my mother, who is older now and could use the help, but doing that wouldn't allow me to have much of a life. Which, seems to be the source of my problem. I'm 38, have no kids, and I spend most days home alone not doing a whole lot. It's not that I don't want to. I literally have no idea what to do, nobody to do anything fun with, or the confidence and energy to create it for myself, like I have before, at brief points of my life. Reading into numerous mental health conditions, mine aligns most accurately with bipolar disorder. However, when I sought help in the past, providers were skeptical as all *** to allow me to believe that, despite their own description of bipolar matching up. So, they end up losing me, because they all seem to have a very bland sense of caring. It's like they don't care. When, isn't that what I'm paying you a generous amount of money for? I don't have enough focus on doing the right thing for myself, and typically end up at this result, on other things as well. Clearly, there's more than just the one issue here. Fact is, I want to be better, but every avenue seems to stand in my way, somehow. Knowing that you hold yourself back isn't always even enough to spur change, even when you want it badly. Does / has anyone faced / facing a similar situation? How do you keep yourself on the path? How do you respond when you meet resistance like this? How do you find your way, do you find your way? I'm not that bad off, but I have no energy, no desire, and I feel like everything is just awful in a world where I'm doomed to rot. I know I can have a better life than this. I know I can love my life. I have before, and not just the brief points where everything was awesome and I felt amazing, just to cause more problems for myself... Everything results in someone trying to take from me, not caring, protecting themselves from me. People feel so cold, and so do I.

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