DarknessAscendant Member Profile

...See more Going on the 10th year of a project. This may be the end. I've wanted to give up before, but I pressed forward because it's all I wanted. But I think I have to hang it up. Not because I want to. But because I can't share the end results with the world. Not because I don't think it's good enough, but because I can't live up to the standards within the genre I am a part of. I have heard it all before. Everything from the positive feedback, to the constructive criticism. And the one thing I've learned, is it's all bullshit. The only way to meet said standard so that the final product can be released to the world, is money. Money i don't have. And even then, it likely won't measure up in the ears of the jaded followers of my genre. This is because I don't have quite the talent necessary to measure up to my pears. So, what's the point? I'm tired of hearing, "Well, you won't know if you don't try!" It's bullshit. I do know, and it's already done. Also, I'm tired of hearing bullshit about self fulfilling prophecy, and millions of failures before the breakthrough. I was positive for too long. I was given too much time. People regurgitate these platitudes like breathing air. They ignore all the people who never succeeded in order to bolster the one or two that did. They say the ones that failed, gave up too early. But I say(and know), most of them actually died trying. They just never did clear the finish line. It's looking more and more like I'll be joining them. There is also another platitude that outright pisses me off. The one that says, "maybe this isn't your path, and you're going to be known for greatness in some other area you aren't even aware of yet." It ignores the fact that you have emptied all your energy and effort in to the goal that you are striving for, while that other ship likely already set sail several times over.. It's long gone. Who's to say I wanted anything to do with that ship or where it was going anyway? Not to mention I did give a crack at those other things. Turns out the deck was stacked against me elsewhere also. There is only so much that positive attitude and effort will yield you. There comes a point where your force of will breaks down, and that positivity and heart just breaks. I think I've seen that point now. With much more clarity than ever. If this is the time to close up shop and pack it in, then so be it. I won't lie and say it never mattered. Because that would be the biggest lie. But I know all things weren't "meant" to be. But I guess the world may never know....just how much it meant to me. And if this project had somehow gained sentience, or agency, I'd want to talk to it. To let it know that it meant everything to me. Not just that, but also that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I just wasn't good enough to bring it to light. And give it the justice it deserved. That I failed it. And it deserved better. And thank you. For it allowing me to express my deepest thoughts and emotions......... But I'm sorry. You may never be......

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