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DeborahUK
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Number of ratings112 Number of reviews40 Listens toOver 18 LanguagesEnglish Listener sinceNov 7, 2015 Last activein last month GenderFemale PathStep 461 People helped186 Chats2,289 Group support chats85 Listener group chats27 Forum posts2,926 Forum upvotes9,179
Bio

My apologies, but I’m not taking on new chats at this present time. 



 



Hello. Life has its ups and downs, and we all need a kind ear sometimes. I'm not here to judge, just to listen, encourage and support. And I like learning more about people, so welcome :)








I've completed the active and verified listener training on this site, but I've also been a lifelong listener, in both my working life, and with my family. I'm very open minded, and non judgemental, so please feel safe to come and hang out with me for a while. 


Recent forum posts
Traumatic Experiences Community Check In - Saturday September 1st 2018
Trauma Support / by DeborahUK
Last post
 September 3rd, 2018
...See more Theres A Hole In My Sidewalk: Autobiography In Five Short Chapters ~ Portia Nelson Chapter I I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk I fall in. I am lost … I am helpless. It isnt my fault. It takes forever to find a way out. Chapter II I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I dont see it. I fall in again. I cant believe I am in the same place. But, it isnt my fault. It still takes a long time to get out. Chapter III I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in … its a habit … but, my eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately. Chapter IV I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it. Chapter V I walk down another street. Can you identify with this story? Its so easy to just keep doing what weve always done, making the same mistakes, sticking with whats familiar. But what if we took a different street? What if we thought differently, felt differently, acted differently? What sort of adventure might we find ourselves on? Its officially a new season starting today. Summer is over in the UK. Its the first day of Autumn, or Fall to our American friends. What a good time to start over, to make some changes, to take a different street. What could you do differently? What change do you want to see?
Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - August 25th 2018
Trauma Support / by DeborahUK
Last post
 August 29th, 2018
...See more Its such a special day today for me and my banana friends! Its National Banana Split Day! How shall you celebrate that one? Maybe something involving bananas and ice cream right? Its also National Kiss and MakeUp Day. Seems to me thats a lot bigger ask than tucking into a bowl of ice cream and fruit. But actually, from a therapeutic perspective, being able to move on from disputes will serve you well. So Im not talking here about forgiving those who may have hurt you deeply in the past. Thats still something to consider, but a much bigger ask. Im talking about keeping current conflicts in perspective. Lets imagine youve had a spat, maybe with a friend or a partner. I find I can often inflate the effect of it because it causes me to recall memories of previous events, but thats my brain inflating the conflict, not the intent of the person Ive had a run in with. So first rule is to keep it in perspective. Were never going to agree on everything, but having a difference of opinion is okay. It doesnt have to become a battle. Secondly, just as the person were having that run in with doesnt know all our history and triggers, we dont know theirs. So a bit of patience and understanding is essential. Thirdly, are our expectations of the other person reasonable? If were waiting for one specific response from them, we could be waiting a long time! Theyre not mind readers. If you need something specific in order to move on, tell them. You dont have to win the fight! If both of you are seeking this objective, one of you is going to be sorely disappointed. Resolving conflict is about reaching a compromise or an understanding, rather than coming away with an ‘I was right, you were wrong mentality. And once youve managed to find that understanding, put it behind you. Its done. Conflict resolved. Maybe its time to bond again over a bowl of bananas and ice cream :) Share a little Share a lot Share whatever you want in here Because this is YOUR. SPACE. We love you, and we are here for you💜 💜Current Taglist @Rain45 @Avaray @Shadeshack @BeeLeigh @Faeryschild @Lavendermoonlight @KLM3278 @jr50 @agreeableKite4304 @PhoenixPatronus @Morfo66 @raychascotch @KatieMoon1 @Tamba @Jenna0903 @melliotm @PanamaBanana @inventiveOrange1 @HearingYourHeart @TreesandWine @guyb @Sharkradio @MKjart @Lilyflower0817 @caterpillargirl @Survivetoalive @exuberantTriangle2562 @coraline23 @Ivorycat5573 @fearlessPear8268 @SemicolonSurvivor @weare1 @weareall1 @Annaka1 @moonchild95 @summernight69 @sheaintgotnoshoes @rationalWillow8882 @DeborahUK @AMusicalSilence @catsith @energeticPenny8 @Rebekahwriter13 @behindhazeleyes @sensitiveShade5337 @singercrystalspirit @wittyTree8219 @Ocendade @Rpjrx @Brooke12 @tenacity37 @Raveninthelabrynth @Axeman53 @kkSp3nc3 @blissedNblessed @Softforesthsp77 @AriannaPink @sereneSoul23 @promisemehope @IPreferWinter @Zombii @Godborned @Jessica86 @resourcefulPond1641 @Lilibuth12 @Tir @Michelle0608 @The_Final_Chapter @Halogen @BubblegumPuppy68 @ScarletPear1945 @CaloenasNicobarica @Hoxenos @Christine1980 @TheresaWilliams @Compassionatelistener108 @LovelyChantel @Pureriver56 @unassumingSummer6022 @Reedrainshimmer @resourcefulPond1642 @Kuma0187 @NonHoPaura @courageousNorth9872 @NacienteLuz @Waterlily16 @Helpfulsoul64 @TheHoneyDoll @Saif1for1Resilience @butters45 @purpleWest8143 @silverIceCream21 @Dandelionmoon @Bumblebee16 @consciousawakening @Shaiya365 @archerzvy @JJi @CopingwithTrauma @musicheals61 @disneynerd23 @ScarletPear1945 @Longday08 @sittinginahoneymoon @Quietbeach @loyalYard9488 @thatdramaticsoprano @understandingJackfruit9057 @amiableZebra3993 @Waterstreams057 @placidFriend3007 @AndreT @orchard9786 @sociableSailboat9634 @Calmlake1999 @emotionalMaple9419 @calmballoon3183 @disneynerd23 @MomRNFNP @Pdanziger @easymap6620 @MoreThanAConqueror18 @candyhaunt @namelessgirl99 @plumLake851 @streamoftears @quixoticRaven @Redhawk6547 @Sk1ttles @Shayc1 @Samdoc99 @Mikathewolfdog @Tacomytaco @stella17 @blinkk @PaperCrane1123 @Equalnotabove @felicia96 @CartoonDarling @Tayboi @Compassion21 @lilblackcat89 @ashes @selfdisciplinedTriangle5384 @amiableSummer3420 @FangsInsanity @Anj0806 @Spoonog @rissadawn @brokenflutterby @g00dwitch @No715 @SpruceRaven @tidyMoon3222 @helpfulHuman4992 @Djs3 @dynamicHemlock1736 @Hope3729 @hardworkingStrawberries3477 @courageousCake401 @humorousBeing8966 @NancySV1 @mysticPhoenix883 @oceanmom @gymnast9460 @Nonbinarywaffle7706 @Tbeth @felixfriend @Chels @8883ef @DaisyLion @forcefulSkies @spotthedot @courteousNorth5140 @Alcynically @ArianaMay @SB @affectionateNorth4018 @J12g34 @FloweringBunny @loyalDrum2337 @nolongerafraid
Community Concerns
Safety & Knowledge at 7 Cups / by DeborahUK
Last post
 August 29th, 2018
...See more @Anomalia @EvelyneRose @Jenna @MelAllyouneedislove @MonBon @Pali @PolarCat @PoliteOcean @Power @RaCat @bookworm4 @fluffyUnicorn84 @soulsings Im reaching out to you all as ambassadors to ask if youre comfortable with whats going on in the 7cups community. I dont want to get into a debate of whos right and whos wrong, but I simply want to look at the impact of decisions made, and the lack of any contingency. So weve recently seen 80% of the trauma community leadership team removed from their roles. Because this has been viewed by those affected to have been an unfair and unjustified action by @Laura , it has led to a number of people leave 7cups, including the leader of that community, Rain45. I wont bore you with all Rains achievements for the community, other than to say they were numerous. She worked professionally and conscientiously, and grew the trauma community from a few neglected threads to the thriving subcommunity it is today. It now seems shes no longer ‘a good fit. Nor it seems are @agreeableKite4304 @LifeIsMyCanvas @Raveninthelabrynth @BeeLeigh @DeborahUK Id ask you to take a look at the contribution these people have made to the community, their profiles, their ratings, their forum activity, their involvement in group support, and tell me how so many people who have contributed so much and are so highly regarded by those they support, how are they all no longer ‘a good fit? But moving on from that, having seen the leadership of the trauma community decimated, what contingency plans have we seen put in place for the 1,445 members of that community? Zero What messages or offers of support have we had from leaders in the 7cups community? Zero Im not asking for sides to be taken here. Im asking that somebody considers the needs of that membership and offers some help, some guidance, some support. Weve seen workshops cancelled, guided discussions cancelled, open chat cancelled, the newsletter put on hold, check ins having to go from daily to twice weekly at one point. These are activities that all receive a lot of traffic. Check ins regularly exceed 100 responses. Theres a need for all these activities, and yet theyve been hugely compromised by recent events. But either no one has noticed, or no one cares. Apart from the impact on the trauma community, Im aware of the fear recent decisions have created. 7cups does not have a culture of openness and fairness - how can there be when one person has the power to remove so many of a leadership team without having to account for the reasons for doing so? The culture is one of ‘do as I say, ‘toe the line, ‘dont question, because people are fearful that if they do then the communities and causes theyre passionate about will also be treated in a similar way. Interestingly the question that initially started the demise of the trauma community, that of common training and onboarding for all participants, has now been conceded. But at what cost? So the reason for my post is two fold. Firstly to ask for support to build the trauma sub community back up, so the activities the members so value can be reinstated. Secondly though, Im asking you to consider if youre happy with the way the 7 cups community is managed, and with the culture that currently exists. Im asking you to really take stock of the feelings that exist within this community. And Im asking you to consider ways in which that culture can be improved, and the role you as an ambassador could and should be playing in that. @GlenM
Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - Saturday August 11th 2018
Trauma Support / by DeborahUK
Last post
 August 12th, 2018
...See more I love this community! There, I said it. Love, love, love this community 💖💕 So Ive been a bit distant from here lately, but what I see is this community doesnt need any one or two individuals. It thrives and functions on its own. Members support members, supporting listeners, supporting members. That simple but effective interdependence of a functioning team. But I'm conscious that can be hard for people new to a community, when they see a tight team of individuals and wonder whether theres a place for them amongst that. Let me tell you all, theres a place for everyone. Whatever your experiences in life, your thoughts, your fears, you will be heard. And you deserve to be heard, your voice is important. So join in, join us, be part of the trauma family and feel the love. Youll be made very welcome.
Traumatic Experiences Community Daily Check In - Saturday June 30th 2018
Trauma Support / by DeborahUK
Last post
 July 2nd, 2018
...See more I notice theres no check in posted for today, so its a quick one from me. And how better to do a quick check in than steal an idea from someone else! A friend of mine recently posted this, so I take no credit, but I do think its worth a ponder. How To Create Real Change In Life: Address Root Cause vs. Effects ------------------------------------- I believe very strongly in addressing root causes to bring about the largest and most sustainable change in the long run. Why Address Root Cause? Say you have a lot of weed growing in your lawn. If you remove the weed using a lawnmower, will that solve the problem? Temporarily. Visually, the garden looks good. However, you probably know that this is only at the surface level. After a short period of time, the weed will grow back. So how do you fix this long term? If you replied By removing the weed from the root, you are totally right! Root of the weed The same principle applies to our lives. For everything we face today, there is a root cause behind it. Understanding the root cause is central toward resolving our issues. Once the root has been removed, the effects will be addressed accordingly. Many people try to work on their problems by addressing the effects. Its understandable why people are inclined to deal with effects. Effects are whats most immediately observable, so its easy to act on them. Upon doing so, you see an instantaneous change — an impression that you have progressed in your goals. On the other hand, trying to uncover root causes can be tedious, complicated, and at times, scary — to the extent where people run away when they realise the problems that are underneath. Some people may not even know how to go about uncovering their root causes. There is always a reason why things happen — more so than you may realise. Are you ready to get to the root of what's holding you back?
The Prayer Thread
Trauma Support / by DeborahUK
Last post
 September 3rd, 2023
...See more Hello 👋 Let me start by saying I know religion has played a negative role in some peoples lives. If thats you, this thread may not be a good fit for you, although you may want to involve yourself to explore your feelings a little more. I just ask that you do so respectfully - all are welcome. I often notice comments around faith, God and prayers in the daily check ins, and I wonder if theres a need for a prayer thread where people can come together and seek comfort in a quiet corner of 7 cups. So here goes ...... a brand spanking new thread for all things prayer related. I confess Im not the most devout of Christians, so please dont look to me to find the right words all the time. But if you just want to sit a while, connect with God, and share that need with another human being, Im here to sit with you. I hope others will add to this thread and it becomes a place for mutual support. And as for other faiths, oh gosh. Im a complete ignoramus. But I hope this can be an inclusive and respectful thread, so please dont feel excluded, whatever your beliefs ❤️
Traumatic Experiences Daily Check In - Monday May 14th 2018
Trauma Support / by DeborahUK
Last post
 May 18th, 2018
...See more How are you today? Is your inclination to say ‘fine when youre asked that question, even though there are about a thousand answers that would be more accurate. Why I wonder do we feel the need to maintain our persona of strength and invulnerability? I was reading a little about the masks we wear. One article suggested there are several, including the happy mask of how wonderful our life is. The strength mask, of nothing ever gets to us. The pleasing mask, of wanting to be liked and living a selfless existence. The intellectual mask where we know so much stuff, including our magnificent self awareness because were all so sorted arent we? Or are we? For the sake of simplicity, and because Im essentially a simple person, I was giving some thought to my outer and inner masks. So the outer one is what I project to the world, and the inner one is the truer me that I seldom show, because to do so would be showing my vulnerabilities. If I was an artistic type Id like to have drawn those masks to show you, and included them in this post. But Im not arty, so heres some pictures I found which sort of sum up my inner and outer masks. Outer mask - this is kind of what I present to the world. First thing to note, I dont think Im Mother Teresa! Oh goodness, far from it! But I do tend to project the caring, serene, giving persona. The idea of knowing my purpose in life. But my inner mask, the truer me that I keep hidden, is more like this: That slightly chaotic, unsure, hair tearing sense of too much to do, not enough time, and why am I even bothering with this anyway! What masks are you wearing? How would it feel to just be authentic, and let the mask slide and the real you be seen? Can you draw your inner and outer masks? Or perhaps there are pictures that symbolise those public and private sides of you? Or just say hello. Its good to connect, and all of you are always welcome here.
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Feedback & Reviews
Very kind and receptive. A great listener who genuinely cares and wants you to continue to grow and learn about yourself and be kind to yourself and the world.
She is the most wonderful therapist I could’ve imagined.
Absolutely heartwarming, caring, wholesome and approachable. Thank you 💗
Incredibly helpful and kind. I brought a lot to the table, but they were still somehow able to deal with it and help me approach things with a constructive mindset
This particular chat is different than how I am used to as in this one DeborahUK and I have been 'talking' via offline messages. So the conversation goes along slower that way. But I am thankful because even in the waiting to hear from her ... when I do, she seems to understand me very well. And that alone is very encouraging.
Amazing listener. Kind, supportive, caring, one of a kind and with a sense of humour as well. Wonderful help
Deb is one of those listeners who really understand you and what you need to feel heard. She is kind and offers a calm and safe place in the storm that surrounds you in the moments of feeling lost❤️
Deb is one of the good ones. She truly cares and does so very lovingly.
Lovely lovely lady! Made my feel so much better about myself. Thank you so much.
great lady
She is great and has been very helpful. Love her playful spirit.
Wonderful! Caring! Insightful! Intelligent! THANK YOU!!
Debs was a great listener and was able to understand what I was trying to convey. She really helped me understand my thoughts from a different perspective.
Wonderful, caring listener. Very insightful, helpful.
She is so kind and empathetic. Very easy to talk with and so good at asking the right questions and saying the right things. It felt very natural and not like canned dialogue. She made me feel better already, and I feel she is someone I can lean on for the difficult times ahead of me.
Debs is a true gem. Empathetic and attentive, with the right balance of validation, clarifying questions, and nudges towards problem-solving.
DeborahUK is the best Listener I have experienced on 7Cups. Very kind, caring, good humoured. She is helpful, very professional and I feel heard and understood and that is everything.
DeborahUK is awesome.
Great listener, will like a second time
Best listener I have come across here. She is sensible, caring and non judgemental. Knew exactly the right thing to say and made me feel a lot better. Can't thank her enough and plan to keep in touch with her regularly. Thank you so much Deborah.
Very calm, sweet caring and just all around an A+ listener. I aspire to listen like this one.
She's the best Listener on this site. Period.
Really good listener. Made me feel better
Fantastic, many thanks for being so kind. you helped me to talk through my worries
I almost don't have the words for how grateful I am. The way she put things in such an understanding way made me feel like I wasn't alone. Like she got it. And I have some answers and truths i can hold on to now if it gets this dark again. Thank you.
The first listener I have felt really listened, was like talking to a friend and who I wanted to give 5 stars all around too! TWO THUMBS up for Debs!!!!
Debs is the sweetest and most attentive listener ever! I wish I knew her in real life!
Debs is an amazing listener. She left me feeling 100x better! She really can understand where you're coming from or at the very least empathize your situation, and help construct the bigger problems from whatever you're talking about. Debs is also incredibly nice, patient, and will reply to you in a timely manner :)
Truly lovely lady. So glad I spoke to her.
Fantastic session, very supportive and helpful!
Very thoughtful, an gave good insight into my situation.
Very kind and helpful, very professional. Is helping me deal with a very personal issue with sensitivity, kindness, and care. Asks good questions.
What an amazing listener, Intuitive, kind caring and understanding. The best! Thank you so much for being there for me tonight, you are a star!
She is a wonderful listener. Help us with all or problems
awesome listener snj
Wise, insightful and extremely understanding. Helped me go through a lot of confusion and pain, and I felt much more stable and validated at the end of the conversation. Would recommend.
She tries to understand her best with polite and kind questions.
I've had an helpful conversation with her, I feel more relaxed now.
Thank you
I loved this conversation :) God Bless!
Such a nice person!
Wonderful listener! I actually felt heard...she's very kind knows exactly what to say...thank you so much!! Can't wait to talk again! Xxxx
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