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Deerpark49
1,468 M Little Steps 5
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts380 Forum posts38 Forum upvotes35 Current upvotes35 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceApril 7, 2021
Bio
30 year old pan transwoman. I compose music, write stories, dance, play d&d, sharpen blades, and much more! Schizoaffective-bipolar, ptsd, dpd, add, and dyslexic but they do not define me!
Recent forum posts
DPD and me
Personality Disorders Support / by Deerpark49
Last post
 July 30th, 2021
...See more While it's hard to have an official diagnosis, my therapist pointed out my symptoms that relate to DPD. People pleasing, constant need for approval, neglect of my self (especially for others), my downword spiral when critisim feels too heavy (especially with my music), inability to explore myself and make decisions because I wanted them, constant need for social activity (even if I know I don't want to be there). These are all difficult to manage. I find myself being used or feeling used because I am willing to jump right in and help, especially when I feel I'll receive praise for helping. The praise tends to only give a small boost, and then I feel like I need to do more otherwise someone might get mad at me, or their constant stress will somehow affect our relationship. I know this stims from my childhood, and that need to take on others stress and find a soultion for them is unhealthy. I don't know what help can be provided here, but speaking out about it is at least a start for me, as I feel it's allowing me to express my needs by my own decision.
Tone Sensitivity
Personality Disorders Support / by Deerpark49
Last post
 June 12th, 2021
...See more I'm curious if anyone has advice or maybe coping mechanism for anxiety reactions to people who get specific tones? Basically there are tones in peoples voices that trigger anxiety in me. Usually these tones might indicate someone is mad or offended/annoyed. My brain takes it to the extreme thinking I've done something so wrong that they absolutely hate me. I've hurt friends with this, as it seems no one knows what I'm talking about, but the reaction is very real. Does anyone have a similar situation? I know where this stims from, but it's hard to catch when it comes on strong.
Horror music
Hobby Zone / by Deerpark49
Last post
 April 24th, 2021
...See more It may sound strange but a lot of my venting comes through horror scores, same with writing. There's a raw emotional sense to me when I get to design sounds that are heavy. It's less jump scares and more grimy ambiance or melodic dissonance. I feel it helps me let go.
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