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DitaBear
1 2,060 M Hopeful Heart 2
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts193 Forum posts67 Forum upvotes140 Current upvotes140 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceDecember 31, 2021
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Does anyone else feel like they lack a clear identity and personality compared to a more favored sibling?
General Support / by DitaBear
Last post
 August 25th, 2024
...See more I'm hesitant to call myself the scapegoat and my sister the golden child because sometimes I think the roles between us switched depending on the situation or stages in our lives. My sister did have a lot of problems because of my parents' (particularly my father's) expectations and treatment of her. However, my parents always spoke of her with great reverence and it's also easy to mention a lot of things about her personality, her interests, her likes and dislikes, etc. Growing up, my dad always talked to me about how she used to be an overachiever and was so highly intelligent that she was in Mensa, and since childhood, I always felt really small in comparison, like I could never live up to that. She passed away in 2007 and my dad is still grieving her loss to the point of not taking care of himself at all, and he's now at a point where he has to go to the hospital on a frequent basis. He still always talks about losing her, how he feels like a failure, etc. I try to be compassionate with him because obviously it is awful losing a loved one and really awful to lose a child, and I also feel like there's a big piece missing in our lives, but my dad sometimes gets to a point where it gets to be way too much. On the other hand, when it comes to me, I just feel sort of like...a lump, I guess. My parents know some things about me, like my interests and what I like/dislike. But I honestly don't know what they'd say about me if you asked them to describe me, and I feel like if they did come up with something, it probably would be less than flattering. I don't have a big in-person friend group like my sister did (most of my own friends nowadays are online), and the other friends that I do have are people who knew my sister (and I think my sister had them promise to keep an eye on me in case something happened) or neighbors whom I don't really spend any time with but occasionally talk to on my daily walks. A lot of times, I feel like both my parents and some of my sister's friends see me as a placeholder for my sister, not realizing that I may not be 100% into the kind of things she was or would be into, and it kind of messes with my head. My dad's one friend even told me that I basically am taking on the role of 2 daughters, which is why my parents get super worried and overreact to the idea of me doing things on my own. I'm quiet and introverted, and I spend most of my time in my bedroom. My sister had a stronger personality than I did and was more daring. I sort of feel like a "non-person", for lack of a better word. I was wondering if anyone else had any similar feelings and how they deal with them, or if there was any sort of name for this phenomenon.
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Having trouble with OCD and school/grades. Is anyone else?
OCD & Related Behaviors / by DitaBear
Last post
 July 4th, 2024
...See more Recently, I had broken a streak of perfect scores in my current 4-week class.  I know school and success in life in general are not/should not be about being "perfect", but I have to admit, it bugged me that I missed one question on my last exam.  In addition to this, I can't retake it and it was an open book test; the answer was in an area that I had highlighted and looked at a few times but somehow still missed it.  Because of the latter, I can't help but feel like a dunce.  It makes me wonder if other people in my class did the same thing or if they got it right away.  Though also in my defense, the phrasing of the answer on the test was a bit different enough from how the book wrote it that it could be have been easily misinterpreted as a wrong answer (which is what happened to me). Do other people struggle with these feelings?  How do you deal with them?  I feel embarrassed in multiple ways right now.  I know I should be happy that I passed the test no matter what the score is and I also know there's bigger things going on in my life than having a perfect-looking report card.  But I can't help but ruminate and I hate doing so.  I don't want it to discourage me from the rest of my school year as this is my first class and semester, and I am really do want this degree because I think it would be a good career for me.
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Is anyone else thinking of cutting off some of their long-time friends?
Friendship Support / by DitaBear
Last post
 May 3rd, 2024
...See more I feel like I have held onto the wrong people for the wrong reasons.  I am now seriously considering cutting off a few people, some of whom I have known since I was around 12 years old (I'm 32 now).  All of the people in question are online friends, most of whom I have never met in real life.  My only major problem right now is guilt and timing; I feel like suddenly blocking everyone out of nowhere would be a bad idea.  Does anyone else have any experience with things like this?  Is anyone else going through the same thing currently?  Would really appreciate some input 😊
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Is anyone else going back to college?
20 & Over / by DitaBear
Last post
 June 8th, 2024
...See more I'm 32 years old and am starting college again after so many years.  Am really nervous, especially about needing to relearn math and having to take the ACT for one of my majors.  I was wondering if anyone else was in the same boat.
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Has anyone else been told that they have never matured or really grew as a person, and if so, how do you deal with that?
General Support / by DitaBear
Last post
 April 4th, 2024
...See more I have had my paternal grandmother, my father and a friend of my father all make comments about how I never really developed as a person, especially in terms of emotional maturity.  I am at a loss at what to do and how to deal with it.  I have had a job in the past and am getting ready to go back to college very soon.  I hope to find a new, better job after I graduate and I hope I can take care of myself when I finally do get the chance to be on my own, but I admit other than that, I don't really know what being a "true" adult is. Does anyone else have experience with this type of thing?
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