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Dwarfancy
177 M Embraced 1
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2019 Member sinceFebruary 13, 2019
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The unexpected after fight
Eating Disorder Support / by Dwarfancy
Last post
 August 7th, 2019
...See more If you are still struggling with any ED please dont read, it may be discouraging for your healing progress. Healing is never not worth it. Kick your EDs ass loves ! ———————— Its been almost a year since I came out of the hospital for anorexia. Every doctor told me that battling it while I was submerged by the illness was the hardest part, butting definitely wasnt to my mind. ED are so vicious, and they still control my life today. I eat normally, but I still know the calories of each food, I still count how many calories I had in a day, I still want to do better than everyone in sport because I want to be the one that lost the most calories, all of this without punishing myself if I had too many calories or didnt do sport because I was tired. I know that not everybody lives his after illness the same, but it just feels like I never see recovered people struggling like I do in a basic day to day life. The hardest part is definitely the guilt of not being sick anymore (for some odd reason) and the safety that I felt when I was recovering in the hospital, I just feel so endangered now that I am in the real world, its like someone poked my safety bubble. Am I the only one experiencing this a whole year after ? Am I doing something bad on journey to complete recovery ? I dont know anymore, I am lost. Feel free to share you recovery experiences in reply, Id love to learn what youve been through and if I am the only one living this :)
Dwarfancy profile picture
The unexpected after fight
Eating Disorder Support / by Dwarfancy
Last post
 February 27th, 2019
...See more NOT FOR PEOPLE STILL STRUGGLING. [If you are still struggling with any ED please dont read, it may be discouraging for your healing progress. Healing is never not worth it.] Its been almost a year since I came out of the hospital for anorexia. Every doctor told me that battling it while I was submerged by the illness was the hardest part, butting definitely wasnt to my mind. ED are so vicious, and they still control my life today. I eat normally, but I still know the calories of each food, I still count how many calories I had in a day, I still want to do better than everyone in sport because I want to be the one that lost the most calories, all of this without punishing myself if I had too many calories or didnt do sport because I was tired. I know that not everybody lives his after illness the same, but it just feels like I never see recovered people struggling like I do in a basic day to day life. The hardest part is definitely the guilt of not being sick anymore (for some odd reason) and the safety that I felt when I was recovering in the hospital, I just feel so endangered now that I am in the real world, its like someone poked my safety bubble. Am I the only one experiencing this a whole year after ? Am I doing something bad on journey to complete recovery ? I dont know anymore, I am lost. Feel free to share you recovery experiences in reply, Id love to learn what youve been through and if I am the only one living this :)
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