EmmyMarie06 Member Profile

Is what I want in life wrong?

Aging Up Support / by EmmyMarie06

July 27th, 2024

...See more I'm 17. going to be 18 in a little under 7 months (September 30!!!). I am SO EXCITED to be 18. I will be 18 through the majority of my senior year of high school. all my life starting from age 7 I thought I wanted to be a nurse. my dad has always been in and out of hospitals bc of a terminal illness, and I remember just wanting to help him yk? I find it fascinating. but just this year I took a class and very quickly realized that nursing is NOT the path I want to take for a lot of reasons. to sum it up I realized what a load it is just to be a nurse. My mom worries about my future. she pushes me to have a career plan all set up and set in stone. its stressful to appease my mom because for months I had no idea what I wanted to be. I still don't have a full plan and its scars me because I'm going to be out of high school sooner than it feels like I will be. not too long ago, about 2 months ago I decided to try for the career of being a police dog trainer. I know that I belong in an active or creative career, and preferably one centered around animals - or dogs (my favorite animal - there are dog trainer schools ive look into, but my mom still isn't satisfied. "how are you going to pay for the school?" "you need to get a trade since your so against college, not this" "what are you going to do? how will you pay rent?" "you need a real career" "you should go on a mission to figure your life out (Mormon mission" (even though I'm probably leaving that church for personal reasons, but she doesn't know that yet) those are the main points my mom tells me day after day each week and I'm just sick of it. I'm only against college because I don't have the money to pay for it. I know there are student loans and all that but I still have nothing. my parents didn't create a college fund for me because we've been poor my whole life. it doesn't help that my dad wont let me get a real job. I'm hoping he might this summer though. I'm going to get one after I'm 18 during senior year too. for a long time I actually wanted to be a singer. I love the creativity and honestly singing speaks to my soul. but because "I didn't ask for it from a younge age" I apparently cant do it now because catching up would be impossible. I understand that there's a lot of stuff I don't know because I didn't know I loved to sing when I was 5 years old. my family also would never have had the money to put me in lessons anyway. I made the mistake of telling my mom that I wanted to sing. she got mad at me and for 3 days straight told me that it would be stupid to sing. pointless. no one would want to hear me sing. it would do me nothing. so I gave up on that dream I guess. I've also thought about going to college for social work, teacher, therapist or journalism. but I haven't had much experience in any of those fields except indirectly with therapist, which could tie into social work. I mean I've done some journalism, and I write well when I actually try....I also have always envisioned myself as a teacher? idk. just the money part stresses me out. I hope to move out as soon as high school is over. I cant stand it in my home anymore. I have a long distance boyfriend who lives in Pennsylvania. I haven't told my parents about my bf yet...but I hope to move out to PA soon after high schools over. it would be relatively easy to move up there, and on top of that I have a support system up there too. My bf's family loves me, him and his mom especially. they want me up there, so they would help pay for it. helps that they are loaded with money too. I just want to pay for at least half, cause I don't want to take advantage of their money yk? I feel so safe, and happy when I'm with him. we have a life together planned out and I really hope to make it a reality. honestly (this isn't the teenage girl talking) I think that we have a fair shot together too. I know my parents aren't gonna be happy when I leave. I know as an 18 year old they cant stop me, but it still helps to have support from family yk? its gonna hurt if they don't support it. on my birthday my bf is planning on flying down here (in Utah) to be with me when I turn 18, and its gonna take a lot of explaining to tell my parents that. he also hopes to come to my senior prom too, which would be 8 months after. then when summer break starts either I continue saving up to move out there or I visit him. idk yet. probably save. definitely visit him when he turns 19 that summer though. (he turns 18 this June) I don't know why I'm writing all this. I just want to know if my life "plan" is good or not. ik that not everything is set in stone. ik that there's always that chance that my bf and I wont work out. ik there's that chance that a career wont work out. am I justified to try though? I wont ever give up on my bf, but for the career part should I just drop it and make my mom shut up? or just try. and see where it goes. I tell my mom that I at least want to try. just see where it goes. but she gets mad and says that its not good enough. ik that shes just concerned for my future, and as her oldest child its also a first for her. hard on her too that I'm growing up. but why does she need to keep pushing me towards perfection?

Why you should stop Vaping- vape/smoking support/ecouragement.

Addiction Support / by EmmyMarie06

June 1st, 2024

...See more Vaping has become a norm in today's society. Around a whopping 86.1 people world wide vape. While it's true that vaping is “better” than cigarettes, they still cause mass amounts of damage to the lungs. And while there are some “healthier vapes” missing the nicotine, the smoke entering the lungs does still damage them. Your lungs are a key part of your body. Not only do they make you breathe, but they also introduce oxygen into your bloodstream, which is then carried throughout the body and it is a necessity. Dumbed down, your lungs are vital for your health. When your lungs efficiency has decreased, your quality of life will also decrease. When you smoke, less oxygen over time will make it to your bloodstream. When this happens it causes Hypoxia. This is when not enough oxygen is received to the organs making it so they cant work properly. If this persists over time your organs, heart and/or brain could become damaged. In September 2023 over 500 smoking products were examined to be sure they were the best for the public's health. Both vapes and e-cigarettes were reviewed after many lung injuries (EVALI) were found after the use of either of those. EVALI is E-cigarette/Vaping Use-Associated Lung Injury. Symptoms of EVALI are shortness of breath, Vomiting, diarrhea, weight loss, fever, fatigue, chest pain, raging cough, and other symptoms. EVALI is found among a large number of today's youth. EVALI is known to hospitalize patients, and can even take lives. While there are treatments for this epidemic, this is still relatively new and much is still needed to be learned about it, treatment included. Vaping can also cause Bronchiolitis Obliterans or “Popcorn Lung”. This was originally discovered in popcorn factory workers, when the employees began to get sick. They soon found that a food addictive called diacyl that was being put into the popcorn, when breathed in caused this. Diacyl is often put into vapes to add more and long lasting flavor. When diacyl enters the lungs it damages the small, yet vital passageways in the lungs. Scar tissue forms over them, blocking the passageways. Vaping is an addictive substance. When you are addicted to something your body always wants it there. While you can't deny that it does soothe people, there are much healthier options for relaxation such as meditation, yoga, massage exc. Many vapers go through unintentional withdrawal. People experiencing a withdrawal typically go through dehydration-like symptoms, short tempered, and seem side tracked. However everyone experiences withdrawal differently. Some people become violent, sad, cold, or any emotion out of the norm for them. Many people experience high levels of depression when nicotine is not in use, making it so they feel the need to constantly smoke. Living an addiction controlled life can cause sleepless nights, severe decrease in appetite, heart problems and severe mental health issues…long term addiction can include cancer, (in this case) lung and liver disease, and organs may begin to shut down. Vaping is not necessarily bad, but it still causes a plethora of health issues, as well as playing a part in mental health problems. When a vaper is not vaping, depression and anxiety on their lives tend to worsen until another dose of nicotine is introduced. It has also been known to create/worsen cases of ADHD. Any form of smoking is a temporary escape as all drugs, and alcohol are. While it's understandable that life can get overwhelming, dealing with life's problems in a healthy way helps everyone wind up on top in the end. There are so many places and sources you can go to, to receive help to quit your addiction. not only does this community encourage you to, as well as support you to, but there are others in your life who would also benafit from this as well.

I need to rant cause things are heavy right now. Just need some support.

Depression Support / by EmmyMarie06

February 24th, 2024

...See more this is probably going to be long, so if you read this buckle up. I am extremely stressed, my anxiety is at a high as im writing this and my depression is quite bad. The main reason is because my dad has been ignoring me for over a month now. My dad is really my step dad. my biological dad is a whole nother story, but lets just say bc of my biological dad ive got severe daddy issues. my step dad, i refer to him as dad because hes the one who raised me starting from age 6. i love him to death. hes an amazing person but hes been ignoring me and every time i walk into a room with him im on the verge of tears. i come home and ill say hi to him but he walks past me and acts like im not even alive. he wont make eye contact with me and only "speaks" to me to basically tell me that im an awful person..... my home life sucks. im not abused, but emotionally im so alone starting from the moment i come home from school. my dad has a terminal illness that hes had for 12 years. they thought they fixed it but now the doctors have admitted they dont even know whats wrong with him anymore. i get that hes depressed about it but he shouldnt ignore me. ive always been treated differently and i think its cause out of all us 4 kids im his only non biological kid. theres times where we are close, but the last few months starting the day i turned 17 (in september) weve just grown distant. and now its like this. he refuses to forgive me for things i did when i was 12, DOING 12 YEAR OLD STUFF like the stuff i did was not that bad at all. but he holds all this against me, refusing to move on and freaking TRUST ME. i was a mourning kid. sad kids get into trouble and i dont think he realized that. im just so sick of being around him right now. i miss the way things used to be, i miss when we would joke, or when i was young and would do things just him and i. i dont know why hes doing this. maybe he never cared and has finally given up on pretending to care. idk. another thing stressing me out is my friend Kinz today, she came up to me with news. Kinz is friends with my ex chase. My ex broke up with me some months back, not because of us, but he prayed and felt prompted to. i know know why thankfully, but at the time i didnt. there were other factors, like school, our parents didnt want us to have serious relationships in high school, we woulda had to break up in a year anyway cause he would leave to go on an LDS mission....stuff like this. just facors are what led him to break up with me. i was heart broken for a while, but we weren't together all that long. i have a new boyfriend who i love SO FREAKING MUCH, but now that my new bf Mark and i are together, suddenly (chase shouldnt know about us..) but Kinz has been carrying messages for him. like she came to me FOR HIM to check up on me and make sure i was okay....months after we broke up....weird is it not? i literally see him all the time in the halls of school, like whats wrong with just asking me if im alright? after we broke up, for whatever reason he just cold turkey started ignoring me. it bothered me for a while, i guess it still does a little, but anyway, kinz came to me today basically saying he talks about me a lot, and he misses me, and hopes to get back together after high school and now is just time to be with the boys right. ngl this made me mad. i dont miss my romantic relationship with Chase. at all. i do however miss our friendship, and i think thats normal. idk why but this really bothered me today. on top of that i have a friend, Gage, who SO MANY PEOPLE ship me with. and kinz is Gages ex. shes pretty sure hes crushing on me, and that dosent help my stress with the situation. idk why this is causing me so much stress but it is. school is also really bothering me. im smart. not the smartest but smart enough to get by. i definitly have my dumb airhead moments, but whos dosent. the problem is, i cant find the motivation withen myself to do my best work. i do enough to get by- and its really affecting my GPA rn. my GPA isnt BAD, but its definitly not a head turner or average. its not good cause imma be a senior next year, and after that theres nothing i can do to change my overall GPA. i just cant find the motivation to work harder. if i have missing assignments, i cant drive. im 17 and cant drive yet. i also lost my phone and if i dont get good grades im not gonna get it back. My bf mark is actually an online bf rn and if i cant drive when he comes to visit me on either my 18 birthday or my senior prom and/or graduation its gonna make it a little difficult lol. ive got a lost at risk right now and even then i cant find the power whiten myself to just PUSH myself. i hate it. i hate myself. the only things i really wanna do is sing, draw, talk to Mark, and hide away in my room. bc i dont have my phone rn my social live is limited outside of school. i have no extra curricular, kinda a job? but im a contractor so no set hours. i hide away in my room when i come home so i dont have to talk to people. in a way its my safe place, but at the same time is a cage that i keep returning to. other than mark and my youngest brother, i really have no purpose in my life right now. im absolutely useless. im also struggling with my religion. im LDS...ik i just put myself in a HUGE stereotype but a lot of the rumors about being "Mormon" is not true. thats one reason im debating my religion bc of the huge stereotype. there are a lot of blind commitments that ill have the choice to make when i turn 18....and i dont wanna have blind commitments. theres a lot of things being said by my leaders right now that i personally dont agree with, i dont love how many "rules" we have. idk. its stressing me out cause i believe in my religion....but things about it are bothering me.....i wanna explore a bit. i want to leave for a little while, not because i dont believe but i need a break yk? ik thats bad cause god never takes a break on me....but right now it feels like he has. before mark came into my life i felt so alone. im extroverted, so i talk to a lot of people. takes me a moment to warm up but ill be anyone's besti. i have a select few close friends though, and out of all my close friends only 2 of them pulled through to help me. i felt so alone, then i met mark. hes made my life so much better, but he lives clear across the country. hes worth the wait, hes worth the long distance but it makes both of us sad that we cant just walk down to each others houses yk? i love him so much though and he makes my life that much better. its gonna be worth it. ive got a lot more but i wanna make this as short as possible- if you made it this far thanks for listening. id love feedback.

Just Unload

General Support / by EmmyMarie06

March 22nd, 2024

WHAT IS CODE 065 AND WHY IS IT KEEPING ME FROM POSTING?!

General Support / by EmmyMarie06

February 17th, 2024

lets show a little gratitude in your life!!

Positivity & Gratitude / by EmmyMarie06

February 2nd, 2024

...See more My challenge for you is to share a story on this thread of something hard you have gone through, but also explain how you are grateful for it! Going through rough things makes you a stronger person. having gratitude for those hard things makes you even stronger. :D to kick things off, ill start My dad is terminally ill. the doctors after 12 years of searching for what was wrong with him found the issue. he has a rare illness called MALS. he was a week away from the surgery when all the sudden he had his second heart attack. he was put on blood thinners so they couldnt do the surgery for another year. finally after yet another year of late night hospital visits and stays, of my dad suffering and my family being broke my dad finally got the surgury. a few week later we found out that the MALS was only a small part of the problem. all summer my dad was recovering from surgery. he has a feeding tube put in his arm and after the surgery was probably the hardest its ever been. soon after summer started my dad had a third heart attack, and he almost died. my dad has recovered from the heart attack but is on blood thinners and medicine to help his heart. is currently on a different type of feeding tube, and still making regular hospital visits in hope to ease the pain hes constantly in. the doctors have finally admitted that they have no idea what is wrong with him, but my family is keeping hope that some day they will find what is wrong. Through all this my mom has been the only stable worker in the family, making just enough to live paycheck to paycheck. on top of that she is biopolar, and struggling to hold herself together for the family. but shes strong and through the mercy of god she has been able to keep going. going through all this with my family has been very hard, but im grateful for this experience because not only has it shown me how faith can carry you through hard times, but it has taught me patience, it has taught me to be grateful for the small things. its shown me that there is always a bigger thing, and things can always get worse no matter how bad things may be. its taught me self control with money, and its taught me to support my family through the midst of all this. NOW ITS YOUR TURN :D

WOULD YOU RATHER!

Icebreakers and Games / by EmmyMarie06

January 30th, 2024

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