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Enoble17
77 M Embraced
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2016 Member sinceAugust 18, 2016
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Loss of innocence
Trauma Support / by Enoble17
Last post
 December 12th, 2016
...See more We had to write an anonymous writing in English about a time we lost our innocence and the whole class would read it. Writing this Having everyone read it was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I thought I'd share it anyway: It was just this summer when I lost my innocence, or rather had it taken from me. Stolen, swiped, robbed. Sometimes I wonder how I would have lost it if this didn't happen. Maybe I could've given it to a sports captain, or drunkenly to an old friend, or to my first love. Rather I got to lose it in the silence of the night, when the day was asleep and motionless, and so was I. At that point I was nothing to him. A pile of flesh. A pile of flesh with a heart beating and lungs breathing, but a pile of flesh nonetheless. He could do with what he wanted with me, he could poke and prod, and play with me like I was his own personal toy. He could touch and feel and invade all he wanted. The body's landlord was asleep and he could run around as freely as he did. He was unfazed. He was unfazed when I woke up, still in the position he wanted me: shocked, sore, afraid. He was unfazed when he violated a girl he didn't know, ruining her body for her. He was unfazed when the doctors had to re-poke and re-prod that same girl the next day to prevent her from STDs or having to carry his godforsaken baby. He was unfazed when the cop re-invaded her with questions and invalidated the act by asking what she was wearing or if she was drinking. He was unfazed when she had to call home and tell her dad that his little girl had been trespassed on and having to hear him cry for the first time in 5 years. He was unfazed. I think about that night everyday, or at least the parts I haven't completely repressed. Yet I've heard a rumor that every 7 years, the cells in your body will be destroyed and replaced with new ones. So what a beautiful day that will be when I have a body he will have never touched. I already started the countdown. 6 years, 10 months, and 1 day.
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