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Faces123
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PathStep 41 Compassion hearts58 Forum posts20 Forum upvotes30 Current upvotes30 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2020 Member sinceJuly 18, 2015
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Rude Strangers
Journals & Diaries / by Faces123
Last post
 December 23rd, 2016
...See more (Sorry I'm gonna swear a bit because I'm quite angry at the moment. If somebody wants to revise it and correct the words, that's cool. I totally get it. But honestly I'm not gonna bother because I don't think that really expresses the extent of the emotions I am feeling right now.) This is something that's been bothering me for years. In fact it's been affecting me so much that until a few months ago, I literally could not step outside of my house. I hate rude strangers. I hate these people who come out and act like aholes and treat people like trash. But I think I hate the way the encounters with these people make me feel. Ok, so when I encounter these people I could either tell them off or take it and walk away. Usually I take it and walk away. People get stabbed, etc for telling off somebody and sometimes I see that on the news. It's not worth dying over and not worth fighting over. Yet when I take it and walk away, I feel like a wimp. Once in a while I actually do speak up. Then I get yelled back with no apology. Or they'd just walk away without saying anything. Do I feel like I've won? Not really. Even if there are instances where it would look like I've "won". No, I just feel stupid for having been affected by these people enough that I went out of my way to tell them off. I think the issue is that these encounters make me feel really insignificant. Like I am weak. Like I am the one being bullied because I am not worth crap. Because I am an easy target for bullying. Because I am weak. I tell myself this isn't the case, because aholes are aholes no matter what, that's what they are. Just as a garbage man's job is to collect garbage or a bus driver's job is to drive busses, they collect everybody's garbage regardless and drive everybody around regardless of who they are. That's their job. I mean, I know I'm not the only one in this world that's been treated like trash. But still it's difficult to make myself actually believe that this isn't my problem. Why do I keep feeling like I am such a loser? I hate going outside. I'm afraid I will find another rude strangers to deal with, which is a stupid thing to be afraid of because as long as I am living I definitely will encounter one. If I go out in the streets to do my daily errands I will have to deal with these people regardless. And it's not like I don't know all these people aren't bad. I have met good people. Yet I keep remembering bad things. I remember this stranger from few years ago (Shinjuku, Japan), who cut in front of me as I tried to cross the crosswalk with his bicycle, and stared into my face as he did it. I almost got hit by a car. I remember this rude a bus driver from few years ago (Hong Kong), who shouted at me because I was slow at sitting down. I was slow because I was carrying this big luggage around, trying to move stuff from my dorm to an apartment. He shouted at me as I tried to get off the bus, cause I was slow (once again), and I told him to shut up and which point he shouted at me and called me an asshole, to get the f off the bus. I remember this strange, creepy subway staff (Hong Kong) who told me to move away from the bathroom entrances. At the time I was waiting for my friend who went to the bathroom, so naturally I stood near the entrance. Then this old train staff guy started walking in front of me, walked around me, then slowly walked in front of me and told me to move away. Since I was confused I just moved a few steps. Then he told me to completely get out of the way of the entrances. It made no sense what so ever. There were no signs that said "no loitering around bathrooms". Besides, it made no sense that if loitering was an issue, that he didn't walk directly to me to tell me to move out. No, instead he walked in front of me, walked around me, all the while staring at me, then came up to me to tell me this. What the hell is wrong with this guy? I felt like I was being bullied or something, like he targeted me because I was this petite girl standing alone. This guy was holding a mop, so I assume he was a janitor, but he didn't even mop the floor that I moved away from so I honestly don't know why he told me to move besides maybe he just wanted to tell somebody off. When I discuss this issue with people, they just tell me how they understand how I feel, yet at the same time maybe I should think about how these people may have had a bad day or that their life is trash, etc. That maybe they have a bad salary, or a bad job, etc. But really? Is that a good excuse for treating people like trash? Because I sure as hell don't treat people like trash just cause my life is trash, since I know that there is a difference between other people and me, ok? It's not such a difficult concept to grasp. And if you're tired and you know you'll lash out, just find some space for yourself and calm down. It's not that hard. If you can't find space, then suck it up until you can find some space, ok but just don't freaking lash out because that's honestly unfair. Have the strength not to, how about that? And if you do end up lashing out, apologise for christ sake it's seriously not that hard! And if it is that hard, maybe you should reconsider the life that you are living and make sure you don't get so stressed, because seriously that can't be healthy for you. Right? What are we doing to each other in the name of "stress", excusing ourselves and our behavior? Why are we hurting each other when there is no need to? Holy shiz I really don't understand these people. No seriously, I don't. I honestly don't see the point in creating conflict where there isn't a need. And I don't feel any release of stress from shouting at strangers or bullying them. If anything it makes me feel guilty. I genuinely can't believe there are people who feel happy from shouting at random people. It's like...like that's what monkeys do! That's what babies do when they can't handle how they feel, but that's because their brains aren't developed fully! That is just so unfathomable to me. It's just a concept that is so foreign to me, it makes zero sense. And you know, I see people in the streets behaving poorly because I know they have experienced similar things as I have. Oh I know, because I see their faces. They notice me, and then they act selfishly. And I think I really hate that, because if we all know how it feels like to be treated like trash, why can't we be nice to each other? Can we stop being barbaric? Are we apes? Like if we were to walk in the streets and our paths are starting to cross each other, they see me, and then they quicken their pace so they can walk infront of me and go past me before I go past them. I know they do it because other people do it to them (look, I can't explain what I perceive, but this is my conclusion based on my experience. I know that the people who try to cut in front of me aren't the last ones to do so, there will be other people doing it to me. And I see these people doing it to each other, so I assume they've experienced the same negativity I have, or at least something similar. So they do it, because they don't want to feel "disrespected" again and would rather have other people feel that way.) Polite people usually say "excuse me" or bow quietly (I live in Japan) and go on their way. I don't mind them going past me. In fact I usually just let people go past me because I see them pacing quickly and I just think, "Ok, I don't want to deal with your childish bs" and I just stop walking. But if you observe, some people walk quickly and almost collide with each other. Some people don't even stop until they're like, one centimeter next to them. In fact I've had that occur to me. A guy tried to quicken his pace as I was trying to go on an escalator, and when he couldn't cut in front of me he grumbled in my ear. Literally grumbled. In my ear. Who does that? Seriously who does that? Are you five? Excuse me are you seriously five? What the hell are you doing grumbling into some 23 year old girl's ear because you couldn't walk infront of her? For christ sake you look like you're 35~40 years old, can you stop? And shouldn't this guy be old enough to the extent that "being stressed" isn't a freaking excuse for being rude to other people? And this doesn't just happen once in a blue moon. Especially if you commute in Japan, there are going to be "stressed out" people coming around being rude to people. I've seen a young girl, squatting in a tiny space behind this elevator in the middle of a train platform in Shinjuku station, trying to catch her breath and waiting for all the people to clear away after getting off the train. I totally understand how she feels. In fact the only reason I saw her was because I was also waiting for the people to clear away, so I can go up the stairs and get out of the platform. It's way too stressful. People push each other, get pissed at each other. Horrible. I'd really rather not deal with these things. (I often schedule things so that I can avoid rush hours or crowds, etc. It's just not worth it, especially if I can get on with my daily life without it. No, I refuse to be stressed over people I don't know, I have more important things to do.) I see people getting sick in crowds, getting nervous in crowds, and I can't blame them. And I feel annoyed that there are some people who stare at these people as they walk by them because they are squatting or standing around nervously, trying to look for a place to settle down in. (No really, there are. Because these people usually look quite "out of the ordinary" and so some people stare at them.) I remember seeing this young man, looking around super nervously in the train, not being able to decide where to stand. He looked like he was genuinely scared of people. I just felt so bad because, I guess I could see myself being him if I was unlucky. I don't know the point of this post. I don't think I'll find my answers here. But I hope I do. I guess maybe I just wanted to "barf" out all of my rude stranger related stress. Anyways I am quite tired of feeling this way. I really hate rude strangers, I can't stress that enough. Those people don't know how much their poor behavior affects some people and I hate that I am more sensitive than other people, so I get affected more than other people do. (No really, since childhood I was always more emotionally sensitive and I was often made fun of for being a cry baby. Not that my sensitivity makes me insecure, since I've come to terms with it, but it does get in my way sometimes, like in this case, so it can be annoying.) Thanks for reading my angry ramblings. I hope you guys have had better experiences with strangers. (Edited by Teen Forum Star @Emily619 for language content)
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Potential agoraphobia? Social anxiety in public? How do I deal with this?
Anxiety Support / by Faces123
Last post
 September 11th, 2015
...See more I wasn't too sure which forum to put this in, since there were so many categories. So I decided to post in the forum I thought was the most appropriate. However, if it was posted in the wrong place then I apologize in advance. I also would like to apologize in advance for the fact that the following post will be very long. This is something I've been struggling with for a few years now. I can't go outside without feeling really frustrated, angry, and paranoid because I hate rude people. I don't know if it's just in my head but I seem to meet a lot of rude people lately. For example: i.) Bumping into me and not apologizing (and not just subtly brushing against me, which is annoying in itself, but quite literally shoulder checking me and then giving ME a dirty look) ii.) I would go on a bus and then get called "asshole" for moving a little slower than other people because I am holding a big suit case (which as much as I understand his impatience, isn't calling people "asshole" for that a little too much? I wasn't even in anybody's way, I made sure I was the last one to get off so I don't trouble anybody and still I get yelled at...? By the BUS DRIVER? Busses don't even run on a schedule here so what's the rush...?) iii.) I went into a restaurant and the waiter would treat me like crap because I have a relatively difficult to hear voice (not because it's super quiet, but the general quality of my voice is quite husky and low key sounding like my mother, who also has a difficult-to-hear-voice) and he'd blame me for getting all the orders wrong on my voice when I have clearly articulated to him what I wanted. That waiter was arrogant as fuck too, damn. I mean sure, not everybody is rude, but when it does happen it hurts me a lot. Now, I'm not the type to make a big scene in public, I wasn't raised like that. I don't like screaming, I don't like fighting. I don't like the idea of me hurting other people. Cause even if it's a stranger like me saying it, words can hurt, and I don't want to push anybody over the edge by saying shit back. However, there are times that I do give in and get angry and shout back at them and I start feeling really guilty. Like I've done something I shouldn't have done. Sure, they may have stopped calling me names or doing shit to me, but what have I achieved besides degrade myself? This is really frustrating because: a.) If I don't do something I will beat myself up for being a "pussy" and b.) If I DO do something then I've lowered myself to their level and also I may have potentially hurt somebody which is something I don't like to do. I don't like to think of myself as a person who commits any form of violence, whether it be physical or verbal, because I like to maintain my moral integrity. There are also some days when I look back at a person who shoulder checked me or whatever like one or two years ago and I get really aggravated. INSANE, I KNOW. I hold grudges like a motherfucker, I'm not gonna lie, and it's poisoning my life. Another point of frustration is the fact that I cannot express this feeling to any of my family or friends. The truth is, this constant anger and stress from going outside has caused me to become home bound for the most part (though I can still force myself to go outside, I cannot go out for longer than 1 hour at a time without hyperventilating or getting extremely anxious). None of my friends know this besides one person, whom I regret telling about this to as he didn't seem particularly interested (which, although understandable as human beings have limited resources that they can share, even to friends, at the same time it is unacceptable to me as I have put trust upon this person as my friend and that trust was seemingly not reciprocated. However, I could be setting high standards). I have told my father about this situation as I do not trust my mother (years of neglect, toxic relationship, long story short, we ain't tight). I felt that he cared but he seemed confused as to what he should do. Also I felt like he did not completely comprehend exactly what I was going through (or in general what I was feeling), and therefore would try to be considerate towards me by saying things such as, "Perhaps we shouldn't go there, I know how much you do not like places with lots of people". As much as I appreciate his efforts, when he says those sort of things it makes me feel like I am "disabled" or mentally "ill" in some way, which I am not. I am like every other human being, I merely need a little help. I didn't say this to him though, I know he means well. So I went on this website (7cups) to talk to a few people about this issue but I haven't really found anything helpful so far. Which is part of the reason why I decided to write this post, I was thinking maybe some people word their thoughts better if its in essay form rather than over a spontaneous chat and therefore I would find more relevant and helpful answers. Therefore, all of this makes me feel even more annoyed, because when I look for support I either find people who flat out don't care or people who care but don't know how to support me. Thus, I have come to the conclusion that I'd like to deal with this alone (though deep down, like everybody else, I think it'd be nice if there was somebody out there to help me out). I also sometimes wonder if I'm just a rude people magnet, cause I don't look intimidating. I'm just a petite skinny ass little asian girl, and honestly I look like a walking baby shrimp. Also I wear glasses. Yes, I'm a baby shrimp with glasses. *shrimp shrimp* Anyways, if I really am a rude people magnet, then I really gotta learn how to deal with this, cause that means I'll have a higher chance of meeting these motherfuckers, right? But yea, this thought pisses me off too, cause I shouldn't have to think whether I am a rude person magnet or whether I look vulnerable or not! It doesn't matter what vibe a person emits, people shouldn't treat other people like trash in the first place. And you'd think that's common sense! Where do these idiots come from? In a nutshell, I get frustrated at rude people. Regardless of whether or not I act upon the rude actions of these people, the end result is that I will feel negatively and critical towards myself, whether it be the feeling of being a wimp or being guilty. I hold grudges and that pisses me off too from time to time. In addition, I hate the idea that I might be being judged by my appearance and deemed "bully-able". I am also frustrated that I do not seemingly have anybody that I can count on. Honestly, I don't really want anybody to know and I've fooled everybody else so far (except one friend and my dad) so I'd like to keep it this way. All of these problems are causing me to be increasingly home bound too, and I'd like to be able to go outside comfortably and peacefully again. I think what I want help in is: 1.) I'd like to be able to ignore these rude people. What would be a good justification to ignore these rude people? Because I do feel like a wimp. What is the reason that I am not a wimp for ignoring these people? Please convince me. 2.) I'd like to be able to not think that every person I pass is going to do something mean to me. Because I get really paranoid especially when they walk really close to me (I live in Hong Kong, where the concept of personal space is non-existent). (Strangely enough, people here seem angrier too. Big city problems? Either way I know I gotta learn how to deal with it.) 3.) How do I let go of these bad past experiences? How do I stop holding grudges? Because I know that holding grudges is bad for my psyche, but clearly merely having an incentive to not hold grudges isn't enough for me to eliminate them. I shouldn't be thinking about a stranger who bumped into me years ago. In fact, for the sake of getting adequate help I'm going to ashamedly admit, I even think about murdering them using various methods, that's how angry I get. 4.) Do you have any extra suggestions/thoughts/comments regarding the problems that I have listed? Thank you for reading this long ass post, I really appreciate it.
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