Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
FaithfulWatermelon19
106 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2023 Member sinceJuly 16, 2023
Bio

About to go to Japan 🛫

Interested in making music, writing, drawing and learning new things ✍️

Physics and Astrophysics graduate 🎓🪐🌍🌘

Recent forum posts
FaithfulWatermelon19 profile picture
Is this an unhealthy expectation from my partner?
General Support / by FaithfulWatermelon19
Last post
 July 22nd, 2023
...See more Hello everyone! This will be a little long but please read! I came here to ask for some insight and opinion because I no longer trust my own judgement. Here is the situation, from start to end, in a nutshell: * At the start of our relationship, my partner and I agreed to not watch porn. * A year into our relationship, I ended up watching porn. * I kept this a secret from my partner. * He found out during a conversation we had. * He felt very upset; not so much because of the thing itself, but because he felt very betrayed, and he was upset that I did not communicate to him the desire, before actually doing it, or at least tell him that I have done it straight away. * He told me that he no longer expects me to not watch it, because then he’ll just be setting himself up for more disappointment. * I watched more porn. * He asked if I’ve watched more porn, to which I said yes. * He got extremely upset at that. * I asked him what I’ve done wrong, because he told me he no longer has that expectation. * He said he didn’t expect me to just “run with it”. * I told him I would really like to regain his trust in some way. Whether that’s me doing something, him doing something, or us doing something together. He said he currently sees little hope in him being able to trust in me again, as he thinks that by me having watched porn multiple times now since the first incident, I did not demonstrate that I wanted to regain his trust. * He further expressed a strong dislike in me engaging in fanfiction and hentai (which he does not consider to be porn to the same degree as when it features real people, so was fine with it), as he thinks these feed into the crush or the attraction I have towards these characters, which he thinks is bad. He said that although I cannot stop myself from having a crush or being attracted to a character, I can choose to either act on these emotions or not. * I expressed to him that fanfiction and hentai are both things I like engaging with, and do not intend on stopping. It would put a limit to my creativity, which I consider a big part of who I am. He considered this to be an excuse for me to carry on doing what he believes is unhealthy. * He has currently made his expectations clear to me, and these involve: a) Me not watching porn (that feature real people), and b) (which I find the weirdest) If someone confesses to me, then me telling my partner about it so he can decide whether he feels okay with it or not. After asking for clarification, he said “feeling okay” means that if he tells me he would feel uncomfortable with me still hanging out with this person, and I still hang out with this person despite that, then he might break up with me. I told him that surely that’s him essentially telling me whom I can and cannot meet, based on something that somebody else has done to me, and has nothing to do with me. He told me no, that he isn’t telling me whom I can and cannot hang out with, because I can do whatever I want, but that it’s up to him how he responds. In my view that’s the equivalent of telling someone that they can shoplift if they want to, because yes, technically they can do whatever they want, but then it will have consequences. I do actually have a male friend who had confessed to me before (while I was single). I did not reciprocate his feelings, but we are still good friends, because we both handled the situation maturely and it did not get awkward. My partner does not seem bothered by this male friend. (Sidenote: One time, when we both had to stay in London, we stayed at a hotel. He told me he will be staying at his friend’s place the night after, while I go back home to see family. I told him that surely we could have saved a lot of money if I’d known about this possibility (staying at his friend’s place instead of the hotel). Well, my partner gave me a frown and told me that it would inappropriate for me to sleep in his friend’s room. I told him that obviously I would not be sleeping in the same bed as his friend, and that of course my partner would still be sleeping next to me (perhaps we could both sleep on a mattress on the floor). He just repeated that he does not think it would be appropriate for me to sleep in his friend’s room, full stop. I’m so confused as to how that’s inappropriate, could someone tell me? He did not have this reaction when I told him that I’m planning on having a sleep-over at one of my female friend’s place. In fact, he said “Oh, that sounds nice!”. I’m bisexual, and he knows I’m bisexual.) So, the main question: Is his expectation b) really strange, perhaps even controlling? To me yes, but maybe past events would justify this expectation. But maybe it stems from something he’s seen from his parents in his childhood, I don’t know. Does my partner seem to be jealous and possessive? Or is he simply just a weird person with niche views? Note: Ideally I would not want a break-up. That should be the last resort. However, do tell me if you genuinely believe that to be the solution. My current plan is to tell him that actually I do not intend on even telling him about any confessions made to me, because I don’t believe that he is currently mature enough to handle knowing this information in a healthy way (e.g. having a little laugh about it). If you need more information which you believe would be crucial for you to better judge the situation, please ask!
Search more from @FaithfulWatermelon19
Community updates
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
6 total badges
First Post Hand Shake Reaching out Helping out First Compassion Forum Friend
Report an issue