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Foggybreeze
1 128 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts24 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes13 Current upvotes13 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2023 Member sinceFebruary 9, 2023
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Post-Trauma
35 & Over Community / by Foggybreeze
Last post
February 11th, 2023
...See more My mom suffered a severe stroke in October 2022. First off, we are fortunate she lived. She was in the hospital until Jan. 9, 2023. During that time, my family fell apart - they couldn't emotionally deal with seeing my mom in the hospital incapacitated - nor could my dad advocate foe her or talk to the doctors. So it fell on me. Nearly every day I spent time with my mom at the hospital. Seeing her stripped of her dignity, on bed pans. Forgetting who I was. Calling me by a nurse's name. So helpless. So confused. And just- not my mom. She has left sided paralysis and uses a wheelchair now. We are fortunate that she is cognitive - for the most part- but there are deficits and she just... isn't... mom. Now that she is finally home and we have a care team that comes in every day.. I am finally stepping back and feeling the effect of the last few months. I'm mad. I'm mad this happened and I'm mad that I feel like I'm the only one that stepped up. I'm mad that it all fell on my shoulders - I didn't know what I was doing any more than my dad or siblings but I protected them and just took it all on my shoulders. I'm mad. I'm also incredibly heart broken because I feel like I loss my mom... even though she's here. Most days I just push it down and don't think about it - do what I need to do - work, take care of my step kids... home life. But I realized I don't feel happiness. I don't feel joy... I just don't feel anything. Except anger. I've thought about therapy but I don't see how that will help me... I think it's just going to have to be time. I think I'm realizing I may have some trauma issues from being thrust into dealing with this for everyone. I miss my mom.
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