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Frostwood
1 90 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceOctober 13, 2022
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I found him on Facebook and I’m still scared of him
Trauma Support / by Frostwood
Last post
 September 29th, 2024
...See more I found him. He was married and happy with a baby. Not, in jail gross, or being a loser like I’d hoped. He had a wife - she looked happy not scared. And a baby girl. I’m only now realizing being scared of him isn’t normal. The fact that I cried afterwards… wasn’t normal. When I said no and he didn’t listen… that wasn’t normal. i hate him. I want bad things to happen to him. But instead he is a happy father. I’m not this person - I’m not one to wish hate or evil. I try not to be. I want to move on. I don’t know how. i can’t believe I just.realized. I was orally raped and molested. All these years I told myself I must have been ok with it. Because I didn’t get up and leave the house till after it was over. Maybe this was a way to feel like I had control over the situation. He was evil to me. And he was supposed to be my boyfriend. I was only 17 and he was 22. I trusted him. I was a fool. for years I was disgusted and ashamed. Sometimes the memory would creep into my head and I would shoved it down. I blamed myself. I’m so lost by it all. Is this where my fears started taking over my life? I hate him. So. So. Much. I want an apology from him. He made me feel like I was worthless because I wouldn’t let him have sex with me. He cheated on me afterwards and when I broke up with him he treated me like I was some crazy female. So. Many. Lies. He just wanted to have me not to love me. I was so young. I thought I was so smart and mature. i want to ruin his life. But I never would. Is this the beginning stages of healing for me? Acknowledging the truth? Can I move on?
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