65

3yrs ago...

Agoraphobia

Panic attacks

Daytime

& worse...

3am, while deep asleep

Childhood abuse & trauma, I'd thought I'd mastered

Narcissistic manipulative mother

Father who did everything he was told to

+"Church"

Empathic

I don't go out anywhere anymore

Short walks on my strong days

Never indoors or in crowds outside

Even videos of walking in crowds, freaks me out

Friendless

Except my amazing "best friend" & husband

& my daughter

Used to be a powerhouse

Ran bars & restaurants

I was an artist, who walked 5 miles a day & rode my bike everywhere

Can't find inspiration or motivation

just scared...

Scared of everything, now.

Everything.

Even posting here.

But I joined.

Took almost 24hr to fill out bio.

But, I'm trying.

Luckily, I live in a good area for affordable care. So,...

In therapy biweekly

On Lexapro

& at night, prazosin & hydroxyzine

+ rarely, Xanax as rescue only

I don't want to burden, or bum my family out

So, I don't talk about it

Except to my psyc & theripist

Comfortable at home. But, nowhere else