GabeGrey Member Profile

...See more Hey all. So my gf and I have been together for a year and a couple months. This is the first adult relationship either of us has had. I spent my life focused on work, up until my late twenties. Now I am finally at a point where I want to get married, have a family, and build a life with those people. All of this was talked about openly and directly during the first few dates. My gf, fully acknowledged what I was saying and agreed that she wanted that too. About 8 months into the relationship we decided to move in together. We share a room, bed, etc. Over the course of the last year+, I've learned that she has massive travel anxiety, poor self image, and very, very strongly dislikes being touched by anyone. Which makes any sort of physical intimacy basically impossible. Honestly, I could barely graze her knee and she will react by jumping, pulling away, and/or smacking me (somewhat playfully, at times). I will try to initiate conversation about it and ask what I can do to make things easier and/or make her more comfortable but she shuts down, cries, and pulls away, every time. I let her know that it's okay to be scared or unsure but that if we are going to get past this and get closer physically, we have to open up about how we feel and where we are, internally and as a couple. She tends to respond by crying and saying that she isn't ready (to even talk) and that she will just end up having sex with me at some point because I want to and she doesn't want me to leave. When she says that, I feel like a monster. An absolutely terrible person. And that isn't fair. I haven't even tried to have sex with her. I've tried to initiate some touching but aside from 1 time where she invited me to, any other time gets treated like an attack and I am so tired/confused/upset. Afterwards, she will always mention that she is thankful for how respectful I am of her boundaries and that I never try to push her into anything. Now, no one should ever be physically intimate if they don't want to be but we stressed open communication throughout the relationship and this is the one conversation topic that I continue to get shot down and made to feel like the bad guy whenever it gets brought up. Her whole demeanor changes if I even ask to talk about it. I love her and I want to try and make this work but I've learned that touch is definitely one of my top love languages and the cup is empty, borderline dry. I don't know what to do to try and build that side of our relationship up. Personally, I can't commit to a long term relationship/marriage if this is what it is going to be. I may sound needy or whiny here but I think we can all agree that it is important for us all to be on the same page and comfortable with supporting our partners needs. I bring up the initial discussions we had and both agreed about regarding starting a family by the time I am 30 and that is coming up in just over a year. Above all, I want to remain respectful and supportive. But in a year+ the closest we have gotten romantically/physically is the occasional kiss and even that feels like too much for her at times. I'm struggling and hope that someone has some insight, or advice on how to go about addressing the issue. Thank you.

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