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Galvatron
60 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts3 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceDecember 4, 2014
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Treatment
Eating Disorder Support / by Galvatron
Last post
 January 14th, 2015
...See more I used to dread treatment. My eating disorder was my life and I would rather die than give it up. That was about, oh, six years ago? Now, not so much. I hate everything about the person I've let it turn me into, I'm bored of it, and I want it gone. The thing is, for the time being, there's no treatment options for me. I live about 20 miles out from Oklahoma City and don't drive (I'm working on that). The nearest in/outpatient facility to me is 100 miles away in Tulsa. I've looked into therapy, but apparently everyone else's New Year's resolution was to recover as well so every therapist in my area and under my insurance plan is booked for the next several months. I was nearly admitted to a general psychiatric facility on New Year's Eve after confessing to a suicide attempt on Christmas, but even that I had to refuse. I simply don't have the money or time to be given proper care. Most of the time I don't even feel like I deserve it, and every time I come to a point of clarity that yes, I do need it and I should be trying to get it, something comes along and reminds me that I don't. Do only the rich get to recover for good? Do I deserve to die because no doctor will ever see me as anything but a wallet to milk? 
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