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Goatess
152 M Embraced 1
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes15 Current upvotes15 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2017 Member sinceMarch 28, 2017
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Poly and I don't want to be friends with metamour
Relationship Stress / by Goatess
Last post
 April 13th, 2017
...See more Hello all, My husband and I are poly, and all of our previous partners have been mutual friends. One of my husband's partners, "Ginny", met us years ago as the younger sister of a mutual friend. She remained firmly in my acquaintance zone while my husband cultivated a friendship. Their friendship grew into a FWB relationship and now a romantic one. All the while, I've had little contact with her. Now that my husband feels authentic affection for Ginny, he is encouraging me to become closer friends with her, on par with how I have been close friends with all his partners and he has with mine. But I don't like her. While I don't think she has any flaws that will harm my husband emotionally or physically, she's just not someone I feel I have a lot in common with. She is thirteen years younger than me, in college (whereas I am a full-time professional), and does not enjoy my main hobbies. Her current major is the same my own was and we both love my husband, but otherwise there's not much in common. There are aspects of her personality I find irritating (passivity, overly deferring to my husband, an incident some months ago involving late night-drunken texting, bugging him for advice of trivial matters) or concerning (she is a virgin who has not had a long-term relationship before, she isn't the best at communicating) for me, but there's nothing that is a real deal killer where I feel the need to use any veto option as the primary. My attempts to be polite have come off noticeably cold, whereas she calls me her "friend" and has attempted to get in my good graces with small gifts (another irritant for me but I know it's a well-meaning gesture) and attempts at small talk about things that usually don't interest me beyond a short exchange. He says she's intelligent, kind-hearted, and admires me, which I do not doubt, but I just have no real desire to be friends beyond group settings or what communication needs to take place between metamours. My husband is aware of how I feel about Ginny and has expressed understandable disappointment. I feel like my options are: 1-Continue to fake being friendly with her. Maybe eventually I might get better at it though I know my husband and real friends see right through it. 2-Tell her point blank that I do not consider us friends but am willing to communicate as metamours and spend time together in group settings. This will very likely hurt many feelings. Any advice?
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