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GrapeSalad
1,023 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts36 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceMay 22, 2020
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Truthfully, I need a friend to know my story.
Disability Support / by GrapeSalad
Last post
 July 27th, 2022
...See more My husband has a serious heart condition that's atypical in all ways. The pain he is in is unreasonable and unbearable. He saw a physical therapist who tested the muscle tension, and every muscle in his body is 3-4x as damaged as a professional athlete's muscle is when they pull something. On top of that spiking and constant chest pain. It's a testament to his willpower and determination that he gets things done at all. It has been years like this now and I am really hurting. Our communication is suffering. In his mind, I'm 100% of the problem and I refuse to communicate properly. He is so quick to get upset and I am not willing to try and talk to him in that state anymore, where I was before since we have promised to always talk. Does anyone have any experience living with someone in the end stages of their life? Does anyone have any experience with high chronic pain? This isn't something I can talk to my irl friends about as my husband is able to walk, be out and about, appear normal, be treated normally, and to live instead of suffering for a change. That being said I appreciate being able to talk to you all. Thanks for any and all help :)
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Arguments suck. Are we both in the wrong?
Relationship Stress / by GrapeSalad
Last post
 December 9th, 2021
...See more I used to drink smoothies. Now I am often wasteful and don't finish them. My husband feels hurt that I have changed. This has caused several fights and now I freeze up and don't respond. So today he went to make smoothies and brought this up. And I froze up and didn't talk and he kept telling me about my poor choices and changes in behavior. I continued waiting for my food. I walked back over to the microwave and he told me I was running away from him again. I told him I was getting my food. I got my food and sat nearby. He said "if I seem upset, it's because this keeps happening" He said to me "Am I the one who ruined our communication by not talking? Am I the one who wastes food?" I start to cry, my responses in the past have led to us fighting. And he says to me right away that I am a cry bully. I hold it all in and freeze up again and don't say anything or cry. And he continues to say how I am a cry bully and that it's a narcissistic behavior. I stand up and yell that I am leaving to go eat downstairs and take my food and head downstairs. We are yelling up and down the stairs, I can't remember what about, he stormed down the stairs to me to tell me not to yell, so he doesn't think he was. I can't remember what we were saying. I run upstairs saying go away and slam our bedroom doors (two entrances). I hide under the sheets and he grabs me and is yelling at me to not slam doors and is covering my mouth with his hand. I hit his hand with mine as he's not letting go of my mouth when I try to move it of and I run to our closet yelling go away. He is shouting how I am a child and will lose the house after he dies and that I keep proving it. I keep shouting go away. He leaves for a time. He comes back in and up to me and covers my mouth as I try to shout go away. And he says again how I am going to loose the house after he dies. And then leaves. I'm now drinking my smoothie. This is a mess. As am I. I guess I just want thoughts on this. Feel free to ask questions. It's healthier that I talk to someone about these things, I know that much.
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What do I apologize for here?
Anxiety Support / by GrapeSalad
Last post
 August 10th, 2021
...See more My partner wants the best for me and to help me not let my anxiety have control over me. The thing I can't tell is if he is taking it too seriously or if I am acting poorly. Today after I left costco I realized the milk I bought was leaking. I told my partner I was anxious because the milk was leaking and I didn't notice because of a video I was listening to and needed to sit and calm down. My partner told me that I could calm down right now even but that I'm not and that I will need to return the milk. I set the milk down and put the receipt through the handle I asked him if he could go so I could sit and calm down since it would be faster. He said he thinks I should go and complete my task. I sit in the car and he tells me that I'm being childish. We get into an argument and he is raising his voice at me, so I tell him I am leaving this awful environment and am returning the fucking milk. When I get back we don't say anything for a minute. Then he tells me to check my phone. It says that I don't need to sit to breathe and that I'm blaming him instead of taking ownership of my emotions and "don't you dare think about getting back into this care without an apology on this". And so I left the fucking car and told him I'm walking home (maybe 30 min walk). He pulls up next to me and asks me to get in, I do. He starts saying how I start this shit all the time and act like a child. We argue and yell back and forth. I cover my ears and say shut the fuck up. He argues back. I keep repeating shut the fuck up after he says shit. He puts his hand over my mouth and I bite him through my mask and it leaves a mark a couple of mm wide. We yell and argue more and I leave the car and slam the door and start walking home again. He calls me again and again, saying that I need to apologize, take ownership of my feelings and that I'm yelling. We argued a bit, and I told him to pick me up and gave my location when he brought up groceries needing to be brought in. He picked me up and we didn't say anything, he just held out his hand with the now purple mark on it. We just brought the groceries in and still haven't talked to each other. He called and said he was downstairs and said something else I couldn't hear but sounded saddned. What is your take? Did I start something? How can he better help me with my anxiety? What would be better language to use?
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