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Griffeyll
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2025 Member sinceMay 5, 2024
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Relationship Stress / by Griffeyll
Last post
 April 5th, 2025
...See more I'm not sure really how to start. I've been told I'm jist insecure and jealous and all those adjectives. I feel shame for even having these thoughts. Like it's my fault. If inwas only different. In 2023 I met the man who i saw as the man with all the qualities that I had looked for in a man all my life. We were friends first. He had had a full life. Living overseas for 30 years. At the time I didn't know what that could mean. In the next year I found out some things that ibthough well maybe I can live with. After all they are 8000 miles away. But then I started to see it was hardwired. My husband has a thing for Asian women. Not just oh hey they are pretty or whatever it's an obsession. I've realized that they are his ideal, his want, need and desire. His social media looks like a who's who of Asian sororities. There's a couple other races but 99% is Asian. I have talked to him. Fought with him. Tried to explain how I feel about it. What it's done to my mental health. My self worth. My self esteem. I feel less than. Have threatened to leave. Divorce him. He will tell me he'll stop then a day later or often in the same day he's back to following them. It interferes with our intimacy. He can't feel arousal without looking at them. And then love bombs me and acts like it's me he wants. But I have figured out the routine if it. I have become, and I know this is irrational, to have a strong feeling about Asian women. I am mentally overwhelmed. I have done everything I can think of to be a good wife. A good woman. But I will never measure up. I am in constant pain, worry, stressed and in anxiety. I dont know what to do anymore. Ive become a shell of who I was before him. I've showed him pictures of me before and me now and you can see what the stress of it has done. He doesn't think he's doing anything wrong. And if it nothing then why not just stop? Wjen he sees the damage it's caused? I don't even take care of myself in the last month like I used to. What's the point? It doesn't matter anyway. I can't be Asian. I've even googled hpw to be more Asian like. Is there surgery to make me look more Asian. I'm a white woman by the way. Ive told him this. And within hours he was back at it. 
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