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Growaswego2015
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2021 Member sinceMay 15, 2021
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Advice?
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by Growaswego2015
Last post
 May 17th, 2021
...See more My partner has a discord that she participates in for people that love this drag queen. She spends a lot of time with the people in the discord chatting and seems to really enjoy it. I have been very supportive of this from the start because it seems to make her very happy. But a few days ago, I noticed her commenting “😍” and “you’re beautiful” on a woman from the discord’s Instagram. I confronted her about it and we got into an argument where she said that they were only friends. But it got me thinking about the fact that I’ve never really seen what happens in the discord. So I made an account myself and found that there had been a lot of flirting going on between my partner and the woman in addition to others. But the one woman in particular piqued my interest because my partner was commenting on her pictures outside of the discord chat and because I know the woman is someone my partner would find attractive. After I saw what was happening in the discord, we got into another argument. She seemed to understand that it was wrong that I didn’t know that they communicated that way in the discord but she was still telling me it was normal for everyone to interact that way. I told her I wasn’t comfortable with the situation because I was never informed about it, she told me that they were her friends, the discord was her safe space and she wasn’t going to stop participating in the discord chats. I expressed to her that the way she interacted with the people on discord made me feel betrayed, disrespected, embarrassed and made me question my self worth. She assured me that her reasoning for talking to the others in the way she did had nothing to do with me lacking something and continued to say it was fun, meaningless chat and that she never tried to hide anything she was doing on there. I proceeded to press the matter about the woman I felt she had a particular interest in and mention that I think even though everyone is flirty in the discord, they seemed to flirt with each other more seriously than with the others. She continued to deny that. So I asked her if the connection she had with the people on discord was more important to her than our five year relationship. She continued to say that she wasn’t going to give up her friends and said that she could be less flirty when interacting with the discord people. I wasn’t satisfied with that and felt like I needed to speak to the woman she had been flirting with via Instagram. My partner did not want me to do this but I felt that I needed to. So I reached out to her and she denied that they had anything more going on than friendship. My partner also said the woman had nothing to do with why I was upset and the only person I should be upset with was her. My partner defending her infuriated me and I proceeded to call the woman rude names to my partner. She told me that what she was doing wasn’t fair to me and that she was sorry but she wouldn’t “leave her friends.” Nothing was resolved but she had therapy the next day and I urged her to speak to her therapist about the matter and tell her every single detail of what happened so she could understand the full situation. I also asked that she ask her therapist to set up a couple session for us and she said she would do that. After her therapy session, she said that her therapist could refer us to another therapist but said she wouldn’t do a couple’s session with us. I asked her why because I didn’t understand and before this session her therapist told us that she could do couple sessions with us. She said her therapist told her that we are not a healthy couple and she didn’t want to take us on in that way if we both weren’t seeing therapists. I found it hard to believe what my partner was saying because of all the things I felt were shady that happened leading up to the appointment so I asked for her therapists contact information to confirm it. She was very upset by that and refused to give me the information. Her therapist also told her that I was controlling and my partner shouldn’t give up her friendships. This lead me to believe that the therapist didn’t understand the full scope of the situation because I felt that I wasn’t controlling until I started finding out things that I felt were shady and disrespectful to me. She also told my partner that she thought her flirting was harmless and that she shouldn’t be with someone that couldn’t trust her. I also find that invalidating because the flirting hurts me and I trusted her until I saw the interaction that made me uncomfortable on Instagram and discord. I know this was a lot but it felt good to get it off my chest and if anyone has any advice on things I would appreciate it so much! 💜
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