Hanging out with my friends brings me happiness. When they leave me, I feel lonely. I don't tell them this because I don't want them to feel bad. I seem to feel abandoned most of the time. No matter how happy I am, the feeling of sadness is always there. Some days I'm super happy, but as soon as I think of how pathetic I am, it ruins my positivity. I have to be happy for my friends, even if I'm not. If I can't cheer my friends up, then I feel like a failure. When I act myself around them, and they reject it, I feel like I don't belong and I can't be honest with them. That's why I tend to keep to myself. Every time I hold in my feelings, I just feel worse and worse. People always tell me I look sad. I lie and say I'm not. Whenever I look in the mirror, I look into my eyes, and I see sadness. I depress myself. Sometimes I wish I never changed. Hopefully some day, things will get better, but I doubt it.