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Hardzeymhorlah
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2021 Member sinceMay 16, 2021
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Should I apologise and make it work?
Relationship Stress / by Hardzeymhorlah
Last post
 May 17th, 2021
...See more Let me start with this. There's this girl, I'm gonna refer to as O. O and I were friends for about 3 years... I kept on asking her to be my girlfriend in those 3 years. She finally agreed and we've been dating for 5 years now. She really loves me and I love her too. She gained admission along the line and she had to travel to another state. I also travelled to another state to get a job. I got a job and she was in school. And we were doing fine. But as time passed by, things were drifting apart. I sought attention but it became difficult for her to offer. I understood that it was because of the school stress and all, but I really felt like I was losing her and I really wished we could get closer. But it never seemed so. Whenever we get to see each other like twice a year, things go on for a while and fall apart again. One of those times that I felt abandoned... I ended up cheating on her with another Girl, who was quite the opposite of O. I'm gonna call her A. A isn't as classy or as exposed as O, but she was there for me. She overloved me and would do anything for me. It then became a problem to leave either of them. Later on at a point, O kept on drifting far from me. Then, I realized that it seems I was loving too much and that's y I expect same from o. For that reason, I trained myself mentally not to care or bother myself. I rather redirected that energy of love into my career. I so much started working on myself that love became a burden to me So I told A that She shouldn't expect anything marriage from me, that we will never end up together. I told her that to me, our relationship is just a burden and I don't think anything can come out of it. But she still won't leave me anyway. And as for O, I just stopped loving her like I used to. I stopped calling. And when she calls, am always busy and to be honest, I do forget to return the calls. So it got to the stage she's now seeking the attention but I had lost interest in anything 'love' whatsoever. She kept complaining of me not picking up her calls and also not returning them. Then I suggested that we do more of chats instead of calls. That didn't sit well with her, she got angry at my passiveness and then broke up. It felt like am opportunity to disengage but I still feel like I've let her down. I felt she did nothing to me... Yet I had gotten her so angry that she decided to break up with me. She's still a virgin, we've never had sex and it's because she said she doesn't want it yet. Even though I crave for it, I agreed to her desire for no sex until she's ready to have it. That being one of many things I have done to show how much I love her. It's been 2 weeks since O and I broke up but guilty conscience has been disturbing me and the residual love I have for her kept on taunting me. I feel like going back to her to apologise and make things right but I'm scared I may still be the passive boyfriend and we may end up breaking up again. Also, one of the mental brainwash I gave myself was that She isn't as beautiful as I would want my future wife to be. I know that's not a good reason but I must admit, it was one of the reasons I was able to stop demanding for her attention then. I'm just confused right now, do I go back to apologise and make it work with her or I move on and find another lady, later in the future, someone's who's prettier. Or I stick to A. It is certain that she'll accept me back if I apologise, she loves me that much
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My story
Relationship Stress / by Hardzeymhorlah
Last post
 May 17th, 2021
...See more Let me start with this. There's this girl, I'm gonna refer to as O. O and I were friends for about 3 years... I kept on asking her to be my girlfriend in those 3 years. She finally agreed and we've been dating for 5 years now. She really loves me and I love her too. She gained admission along the line and she had to travel to another state. I also travelled to another state to get a job. I got a job and she was in school. And we were doing fine. But as time passed by, things were drifting apart. I sought attention but it became difficult for her to offer. I understood that it was because of the school stress and all, but I really felt like I was losing her and I really wished we could get closer. But it never seemed so. Whenever we get to see each other like twice a year, things go on for a while and fall apart again. One of those times that I felt abandoned... I ended up cheating on her with another Girl, who was quite the opposite of O. I'm gonna call her A. A isn't as classy or as exposed as O, but she was there for me. She overloved me and would do anything for me. It then became a problem to leave either of them. Later on at a point, O kept on drifting far from me. Then, I realized that it seems I was loving too much and that's y I expect same from o. For that reason, I trained myself mentally not to care or bother myself. I rather redirected that energy of love into my career. I so much started working on myself that love became a burden to me So I told A that She shouldn't expect anything marriage from me, that we will never end up together. I told her that to me, our relationship is just a burden and I don't think anything can come out of it. But she still won't leave me anyway. And as for O, I just stopped loving her like I used to. I stopped calling. And when she calls, am always busy and to be honest, I do forget to return the calls. So it got to the stage she's now seeking the attention but I had lost interest in anything 'love' whatsoever. She kept complaining of me not picking up her calls and also not returning them. Then I suggested that we do more of chats instead of calls. That didn't sit well with her, she got angry at my passiveness and then broke up. It felt like am opportunity to disengage but I still feel like I've let her down. I felt she did nothing to me... Yet I had gotten her so angry that she decided to break up with me. She's still a virgin, we've never had sex and it's because she said she doesn't want it yet. Even though I crave for it, I agreed to her desire for no sex until she's ready to have it. That being one of many things I have done to show how much I love her. It's been 2 weeks since O and I broke up but guilty conscience has been disturbing me and the residual love I have for her kept on taunting me. I feel like going back to her to apologise and make things right but I'm scared I may still be the passive boyfriend and we may end up breaking up again. Also, one of the mental brainwash I gave myself was that She isn't as beautiful as I would want my future wife to be. I know that's not a good reason but I must admit, it was one of the reasons I was able to stop demanding for her attention then. I'm just confused right now, do I go back to apologise and make it work with her or I move on and find another lady, later in the future, someone's who's prettier. Or I stick to A
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