Hinder Member Profile

...See more Well I'll be honest, I have absolutely no idea what to say here, but idk I thought maybe posting something here might help. Soooo... Idk where to start really but... I was kind of hurt as a kid, like idk inappropriately, and I kind of think about it a lot, all the time really. Idk I have nightmares about it and stuff, but idk I was having a hard time the other day, I wasn't able to sleep and idk I had a panick attack and was kind of in a dark place, idk if I'm allowed to talk about this stuff on here, so I apologize in advance, but I got connected to one of those hotlines that you text, because idk the idea of calling is a bit scary. But idk I told her everything that was going on and idk the lady I got connected to was pretty nice and idk it was really hard to talk about everything, but idk I'm glad that I told her, I think it really helped with everything, and she helped me create a Safety Plan, for whenever I get to feeling like that again. But idk it's just something that's I've been struggling with for a long time, 11 years to be specific. As a kid after it happened idk I thought I would be in trouble if I told anyone what happened, and I kind of started self harming, both as a sort of way to punish myself and a way to escape anything that I would have felt, idk I feel like I said that in a weird way, but that's another thing I talked about on the hotline, and she gave me quite a few resources to help with that, and I've been trying new things out, but Im free of self harm for 2 days as of now, which may not seem like a lot but do consider the fact that I did it like 5-8 times a day, I'd I think it's awesome, and idk just knowing that I haven't done it for a couple days makes me feel pretty good. When I was a kid in school I was kind of bullied a lot, and I was failing all of my classes, which made everyone kind of mad, so basically every day was getting pushed around by everyone and going home to get yelled at all day, which I ended up dropping out at the beginning of this school year. I also never had many friends, I mean people made friends with me but I would isolate myself from everyone, I just found any sort of social interaction to be pretty anxiety inducing, but I did have someone that would try to be my friend and he'd buy me stuff, and idk I talked pretty bad about my family and stuff, which I'm not proud of, but he would agree with me on everything and he said he'd feel the same way, idk at the time it was someone I could talk to. But I ended up getting invited to his house one day and we hung out, but my parents didn't want me hanging around with him, and they ended up yelling at me some more and grounding me so I ran away, and I ended up at his house. This was when I was assaulted, Im not going to go into detail because it's a bit distressing for me. But idk I didn't fight him or yell anything (Which I found out was because of the fight flight or in my case freeze thing), and I never reported him or anything, and idk that stuff made me feel really guilty about it, and to be honest I do still feel a bit guilty about everything, but I'm working on it. I'm sure I missed a lot of stuff in this post and I apologize for that. I hope everyone reading this is doing alright. I may decide to put more on here later on or something I'm not sure. Thanks for reading, I hope you have a good rest of your day (:

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