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Hope7879
128,802 M Soaring Heights 4
PathStep 25 Compassion hearts2,617 Forum posts923 Forum upvotes1,023 Current upvotes1,023 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2021 Member sinceNovember 27, 2017
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I need help on what to do...
Trauma Support / by Hope7879
Last post
 December 18th, 2018
...See more I was raped back in September and its not the only time in my life this has happened. I was being reckless. I was raped by an adult I never really met but he used me for his benefits. It has been really hurting me I said the rape won't kill you it will just hurt badly. I don't know what to do. No I haven't told authorities I don't know if I want to because no one will believe me and its useless plus before anything happened I swore I wouldn't ever tell if something did happen between us. I was reckless and sleeping with random guys. I thought I was pregnant but I wasn't thankfully. I have been crying so much lately. I don't want to feel this bad it's eating me up inside. I had a friend there and she said yell the word purple if something bad happens I said okay. I didn't I froze up and after I cried and I don't know how to cope or what to even do. I have been falling apart. Any way that anyone knows what could help or help a little at least? I just need help badly
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Help??
Eating Disorder Support / by Hope7879
Last post
 December 17th, 2018
...See more I lost weight over the summer ... I did it with not eating or drinking. Around half of the summer after I did this I started having my heart feel like it would stop and start like it would feel like I got into a car accident (been in a few) when you get into one it stops and starts like quickly from being scared. I told my doctor that it feels like it but we did an ekg and it said my heart was fine but why does it do this every day? It just feels awful like I get light headed and I just feel like a shock when it does it like my heart started over. Plus my blood pressure has been high and low Yesterday my dad said hope you need to lose [weight edited by 24Help1] more pounds by February andy doctor said to my dad you need to stop telling her this or discussing weight with her because it is not healthy and it won't help her. Yet he still does and I deal with it. I'm still skipping meals like I want to just lose weight more but this pressure is making me want to do it unhealthy because there is a time limit now. Like I already lost [weight edited by 24Help1] pounds over the summer. I just don't know what to do...
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questions ive had this for a long time????
Eating Disorder Support / by Hope7879
Last post
 January 30th, 2019
...See more I have purged for over 15 times a day for about 4 months and its been over 2 years since I purged. Why do i still feel nauseaous every time i eat? Is this normal? Am I permanetly damaged? I feel so sick when I eat. It goes away after an hour.
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Poem about part of my life *trigger possibly *
Trauma Support / by Hope7879
Last post
 August 27th, 2018
...See more As a baby mommy wasn't there to help. She didn't want to take care of her little one just as a baby I learned don't cry no one cares. At 2 I was taken from her daddy tried to make my life better. I had food and someone who cared a little. Daddy tried and I trusted him. At 4 my baby sitter came along. She had attention. I needed it to though. But daddy needed to take care of a baby. Bit daddy don't forget me I'm your baby too... At 6 I was first molested I pleaded no no one heard or cared. At 6 I was raped too. I learned no one will hear you when you talk so be quiet. That d it's were more important than me. But daddy mommy I need you I only started to feel I was used for sexual needs. At 8 mommy came back she brightened my darkness but when she left the sadness crushed me. But mommy and daddy doesn't notice the sadness do you even want me?? Mommy don't go I love you. At 10 I first started to hate who I was. But I guess that is what being a big girl is. I told at this time. Mom doubted me. I turned all the hate on me I learned I'm not lovable. That don't say anything about how you feel no one believes you. I say please help me no one even notices.... At 12 I spent most of my night crying fighting the demons away. Looking at the calories. Skipping meals. I even hurt myself for the first time. Hey all said stop trying to get attention. At 12 I Learned I'm a worthless girl who is a nothing. That mommy didn't want me so maybe daddy didn't either. I say please help me with this beast. No one heard or cared. At 14 I was suicidal and loosing weight. Me and mom fought more. I felt better off dead. From throwing up my food and not eating much. I spiraled even more. Mommy and daddy why don't you love me?. At school I was touched by a friend. I felt that all I am is a sexual object. Mommy and daddy were too into drugs to notice or care. But mommy and daddy don't you see I'm falling apart. Please help me I'm cutting my skin to hide the pain. Taking pills to silence the thoughts. I had so many flashbacks. I went to a hospital where I thought I would get help or feel loved. They medicated me they didn't fix or treat. I learned don't speak because I'm worthless. To cover up pain not deal with it. Daddy why am I so forgotten? Mommy why did you leave? Am I really that bad? Am I only used for sex? I'm the problem aren't I? At 15 I spend my birthday in the hospital the people said they loved me I believed. I eventually got out daddy was mad and I was too. I was taken from someone and everyone who felt like they cared. Within weeks I attempted again. But I try to deal but I feel don't speak say I'm fine.
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Help anyone else???
Personality Disorders Support / by Hope7879
Last post
 August 23rd, 2018
...See more I feel awful and I know many other do but if any of you need to vent believe me I'm here. I need to find someone who is going through similar things. If anyone out there. Just recently had a suicide attempt and has many other iissues. Yes I have do have bpd I feel I do I have every symptom. I found a video about being borderline I don't know how to link it. But I can put the name it is on YouTube. It's called I'm borderline it's a self regulation roject it says that in the title. If any of you want to watch it go ahead. I watched it and I feel very similar. I'm here for everyone.
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Please help please
Depression Support / by Hope7879
Last post
 August 17th, 2018
...See more *ttrigger warning * I am planning to tell my therapist I can't keep myself safe anymore because I was going to end it last night. I can't be in my house because it won't help me I need to tell her Hut I'm scared what will happen I can't be here anymore the world is black and white and I'm walking around dead inside that is what it's like I don't even know what to do.. . Please hhel what will happen I'm scared
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Confused need help.
Trauma Support / by Hope7879
Last post
 August 10th, 2018
...See more Okay so many of you may know me but yes I've dealt with sexual abuse and my mother abandoned me when I was younger. Maybe when I was 2. I don't know how I am going to end up feeling at the end of this thread. But so u have been having a hard time. I have memories of my abuser and being abused. I was 6-10 and a half. I have told the police and I feel like the memories should be gone but they aren't. Are they supposed to be? Is it normal that I'm terrified of the guy coming back but I want him to so I can say sorry? How can I move on and feel closure? I did tell the police about it last month or 2 months ago. I just need help with trauma therapy help me? I am diagnosed with ptsd but is it possible I can have cptsd ? I just needed some questions answered I'm sorry thanks for helping or reading or whatever .
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