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HopelessHope97
73 M Embraced
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2023 Member sinceSeptember 16, 2022
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Family Jealousy
General Support / by HopelessHope97
Last post
 February 3rd, 2023
...See more Hi, 25F looking for some mental/emotional unscrambling. Dealing with loneliness, jealously, family/friends. Semi quick backstory. I had a not so fantastic home life growing up, then I became best friends in junior high with someone I now consider family, and her family took me under their wing. I was invited on family trips, spent more time at their house than my own, that kind of thing. I've been referred to as the "adopted" or "bonus" kid. I am so thankful for how they changed my life. All these years later and I'm still invited to all holidays and get togethers. For ease purposes, Best friend (V), her younger sister (J), and their mom (Mom). V also has a one year old that knows me as Aunt Hoho. This past week I was on a group call with J and V. Normal catch up, and what not. Then J mentions the sleeping arrangements for Moms on Saturday night. I am confused on why they are sleeping over there and ask. I'm told they are having a "Mother Daughter Sleepover" with V's son too at Mom's. I'm immediately meet with jealousy, which sadly for me is partnered with anger. Why wasn't I invited, am I not one of them anymore? Did I do something at Christmas and accidently upset someone, most worried about upsetting Mom. Then I start getting emotional, Mom knows I don't have a relationship with my birth mom, she knows she fills that role for me, why didn't she invite me? Then more panic on whether or not it's my fault. I message V on Saturday, asking about coming to hang out with her and her husband and my nephew on Sunday, a very typical thing for us. She says she's not sure when she'll be getting home from mom's but will let me know. Saturday comes and goes, no real word from any of them. Sunday comes, in my head, it's been made clear that I am free for the day. So when I see snapchats of V, nephew, J, and Mom at brunch that angry jealously kicks right back in. Okay, so you don't want to hang out with me over night, but you can't even think to invite me to brunch? I almost immediately begin to counter all my feelings. I'm not even real family, I don't get to be jealous of someone else's family. I can't get mad because they don't owe me anything. Your obnoxious sometimes, maybe they just didn't want to deal with you. I should let my best friend have her family to herself. It's honestly rude of me to try and tag along and force myself into this family. So now I'm stuck. V is who I go to for most things. I don't want to message her and be like, I'm jealous and feel like I should be included more. Why didn't you want to share your time with your mom with me? (Again) Did I do something wrong at Christmas to get myself black listed from the fam. I almost convinced myself to just message her and say, just for future reference I think yalls sleepover sounds like fun and I'd like to be included in the future. But I didn't because then I sound like I'm inviting myself, and if they honestly don't want me there then I don't want to be there. I'm sorry if some of this doesn't make sense, or isn't written well. I don't organize my thoughts well, and sometimes I don't know how to translate what's going on in my head. Any thoughts are appreciated. If there are any blanks I'll try and answer questions. I'm just tired of these feelings floating around in my head unanswered. Thank you.
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Jealously, feeling excluded, comfused.
General Support / by HopelessHope97
Last post
 February 4th, 2023
...See more Hi, 25F looking for some mental/emotional unscrambling. Dealing with loneliness, jealously, family/friends. Semi quick backstory. I had a not so fantastic home life growing up, then I became best friends in junior high with someone I now consider family, and her family took me under their wing. I was invited on family trips, spent more time at their house than my own, that kind of thing. I've been referred to as the "adopted" or "bonus" kid. I am so thankful for how they changed my life. All these years later and I'm still invited to all holidays and get togethers. For ease purposes, Best friend (V), her younger sister (J), and their mom (Mom). V also has a one year old that knows me as Aunt Hoho. This past week I was on a group call with J and V. Normal catch up, and what not. Then J mentions the sleeping arrangements for Moms on Saturday night. I am confused on why they are sleeping over there and ask. I'm told they are having a "Mother Daughter Sleepover" with V's son too at Mom's. I'm immediately meet with jealousy, which sadly for me is partnered with anger. Why wasn't I invited, am I not one of them anymore? Did I do something at Christmas and accidently upset someone, most worried about upsetting Mom. Then I start getting emotional, Mom knows I don't have a relationship with my birth mom, she knows she fills that role for me, why didn't she invite me? Then more panic on whether or not it's my fault. I message V on Saturday, asking about coming to hang out with her and her husband and my nephew on Sunday, a very typical thing for us. She says she's not sure when she'll be getting home from mom's but will let me know. Saturday comes and goes, no real word from any of them. Sunday comes, in my head, it's been made clear that I am free for the day. So when I see snapchats of V, nephew, J, and Mom at brunch that angry jealously kicks right back in. Okay, so you don't want to hang out with me over night, but you can't even think to invite me to brunch? I almost immediately begin to counter all my feelings. I'm not even real family, I don't get to be jealous of someone else's family. I can't get mad because they don't owe me anything. Your obnoxious sometimes, maybe they just didn't want to deal with you. I should let my best friend have her family to herself. It's honestly rude of me to try and tag along and force myself into this family. So now I'm stuck. V is who I go to for most things. I don't want to message her and be like, I'm jealous and feel like I should be included more. Why didn't you want to share your time with your mom with me? (Again) Did I do something wrong at Christmas to get myself black listed from the fam. I almost convinced myself to just message her and say, just for future reference I think yalls sleepover sounds like fun and I'd like to be included in the future. But I didn't because then I sound like I'm inviting myself, and if they honestly don't want me there then I don't want to be there. I'm sorry if some of this doesn't make sense, or isn't written well. I don't organize my thoughts well, and sometimes I don't know how to translate what's going on in my head. Any thoughts are appreciated. If there are any blanks I'll try and answer questions. I'm just tired of these feelings floating around in my head unanswered. Thank you.
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