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Horrorxlovely
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceDecember 30, 2014
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The bruises will heal with time like always, but will the scars ever fade?
Trauma Support / by Horrorxlovely
Last post
 December 30th, 2014
...See more I've recently left my marriage, I'm only 23. I'm finally able to tell my family, but I was suffering from spousal abuse emotional, sexual, and physical from my military husband. I thought I was tough and could handle him, its a phase, hes stressed at work, its all the meds he's on. They were all excuses I'd tell myself. He cheated constantly, promised me he'd stop. I'd believe him, he made me feel weak and like I had no other choice.. I finally got up the courage to leave him earlier this year, got my own apartment and everything when his rage got worse and I was going to work and explain to my manager why I had a bruise on my cheek with a ring print.. I didnt tell her the truth. After I left, I didnt date anyone, I just focused on work and being positive, ignoring him, and trying to make a new future.. It wasn't even a month when I found out I was pregnant. I cried my eyes out, what was I to do? I was told I couldn't have children, so aborting it was not an option, it was a gift. A very unexpected gift I had no idea what to do next... I didnt tell my family or friends. I told him, and he was so excited and promised everything will get better this was our chance to start over and be a happy family.. I fell for it... I moved back in with him, we got a new house and our new start looked like it was going pretty well..then his anger broke the walls, the new furniture, and glasses would fly by my head..then the cheating continued and aggressively, he got in trouble at work for adultery and other things, prostitutes were calling his phone, I had enough. I finally broke down and called my parents and asked for money to come visit for thanksgiving. Just said I needed some space from him. My dad whose a retired military officer knew something was wrong, I was strong before, and he sensed something serious was wrong.  Next thing I know his command came to get me, and said pack your things we're sending you to your parents.. I didnt say goodbye to him. I left with one suitcase, and my pets and hit the road..As soon as I made it home I balled my eyes out. I confessed everything, the abuse, that I was pregnant, and that I had no idea what to do.. Now i'm living at home at my parents house again, battling depression and I have no idea how to deal with this. I can't take pills to make it better, I can't drink, go out with friends as I have not a single one here. I use to cut myself for years, as my way of dealing, it released endorphins. I'd get tattoos to cover the scars and I enjoyed the pain. Now I cant do any of those things. I can't talk to anyone about it, my friends are all happily married and showing it off all over facebook, I just get to show off a pregnancy belly and no ring on my finger. My family I can't talk to about it because its too much for my dad to handle, and my mom tries but just makes it worse every time by telling me how much she loved him too and wanted us to be happy etc. I dont know where else to turn but to vent to complete strangers...  
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