IbeonFire Member Profile

...See more Hello! I'll get straight into it: I am just getting out of my first relationship. It lasted for 7 months, whether that is a short or long time in anybody's opinion, it doesn't demean the fact that it was full of heavenly moments that I personally wish weren't over. My girlfriend/ex broke up with me, I am, obviously stil holding on. I recognize that is not healthy for me to hold on but I am anyway, my reasons for everything that transpired will hopefull become apparent as I explain it below. To give the basic rundown, as it was my first relationship and her third, I had plenty of new things introduced to me and she knew what she was doing. I came into it with a lot of unknown insecurities, untreated depression, and a lot of other faults (such as possessiveness, manipulative, and other things). I am fully aware and recognize the amount of problems all of those created and the toll it took on our relationship; they caused a lot of stress at times and hurt my partner (not physically). Each time I would apologize and promise to try to be better, but trying doesn't always mean succeeding, so problems kept occuring whether less intense or more intense. It got to the point that I realized that if I continued like this, I would tear us apart. *Fact about me: throughout my life, I unjustly looked down on counseling/therapy because I thought it made someone weak. Succumbing to the help of others was a sign of weakness to me, and getting through things on my own is what makes me strong. That WAS a very strong belief I had.* Continuing...Once I came to that realization, I immediately made up my mind to seek counseling. I cannot stress enough how important of a decision that was to make. Deciding to get professional help was the hardest decision I ever made for myself, but it was the easiest decision I ever made for my girlfriend. If it meant that I would stop hurting her like I was made it all worth it, I would have done anything to stop her pain. During the last month of our relationship is when my counseling was starting, and beside the introductory appointment, my first real appointment occured 5 days before the breakup happened. I came out of that appointment feeling amazing: I knew a core thing wrong with me and how to fix/counteract it, I had a new outlook on the world, and I had a lot of hope for the future, including my relationship. However, as I did not have enough time to prove that I could be better, 3 days after that appointment my now ex called me and told me she wasn't happy (with our relationship). My interpretation of that talk was that she was going to break up with me and there was nothing I could do to save it, that obviously left me broken. The following day was a mess for it's own reasons, I was emotionaly distraught and my partner was blowing up on me for not texting her that morning, in my opinion that was a petty thing to be upset over. Then the next day she broke up with me. Now, about two weeks after the breakup, we have both had time to reflect on everything. I can now see some of her faults and things wrong with the relationship that I was blind to before, but they still remain minor things in my mind. Despite them all, I still love her all the same. Meanwhile, her most recent conclusion is that I never cared for, respected, or loved her in the first place. At some point, she also said that she has a lot of resentment toward everything, too. Hearing her come to that conclusion, that doesn't sit well with me at all. I loved her with all my heart, there are plenty of moments and points I can make/use to support that statement but I believe that the biggest one I can bring up is my decision to get counseling, which I am attending for whole new reasons. I really don't know how to sit by and let that belief continue; letting her continue to believe that and resent me is basically throwing all of our good moments (there are practically a million of them), regretting everything we both invested into our relationship, etc.. How am I supposed to let that happen? How am I supposed to be okay with her resenting me like that? It hurts. I want to tell her that she is wrong, and try to convince her otherwise, but I know how stubborn she is and how good of a fight she can put up. Trying to convince her and make my point will probably just end up hurting me more than she and our breakup already has, but I still want to do it anyway. I know that deep down I am hoping that something I say or do will bring her back to me either now or in the future. I am still holding onto the hope that she and I can and will last for the long run. Both of us agreed before that we have never been so compatible with anyone else before and we make each other happier than we have ever been, I am clinging to that. I don't know what to do from here, everybody I talk to is telling me to move on and minimize communication with her, but I can't accept that, especially with how she is currently viewing our relationship. Any opinions? I will any questions to my fullest ability, too.

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