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InsomniaMilk
2,788 M Hopeful Heart 6
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts31 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2019 Member sinceSeptember 3, 2017
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A strange idea
Trauma Support / by InsomniaMilk
Last post
 September 3rd, 2018
...See more Hi there trauma family. I wanted to share a strange thought I had about myself today because I wonder if I'm alone in what I went through or if others maybe did too. Growing up, I had symptoms of schitzophrenia into my late teens. I saw bizarre things and heard voices almost constantly and genuinely believed them. This isn't your case of imaginary friends either, these were entities and loud whispers and shadows that threatened me or spoke to me or told me to put myself in danger. Some of these entities were nice though at times. Later on, I went to therapy when most of the trauma had ended or gotten a little better and finished a year later--and so did the voices. Keep in mind I never brought them up to my therapist because I was scared of being diagnosed with it. Looking back now, I realize I didn't have DID but what if I had some kind of schitzophrenia as a result of trauma? Am I just crazy? Or has anyone else experienced this too..?
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I feel so stuck... (TW: abuse, stalking, self harm, rape)
Trauma Support / by InsomniaMilk
Last post
 October 12th, 2017
...See more So here's my story of how I got PTSD I guess... It started off with being abused physically and mentally by my mother which made me think her behavior was normal. I started dating the "perfect" guy at a young age and would be with him for 3 years (at least I think...) before breaking up with him. Now 2 years later, I still have him messaging me and trying to find me saying he will see me "one way or another" and I can't help but feel so trapped and out of control of my own life. I worry that one day, I'll have to call police to tell them my life is in danger and that I will never escape abuse. He mostly threatened me with suicide, said he would cheat, threatened to end his own life if I didn't stay or do such and such, and I couldn't help but blame myself since I was so young and I already was abused by my mom who is an alcoholic. He also raped a girl that looked like me and I couldn't help but feel at fault. I've struggled so much with depression, self harm, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. I just wish I felt like my life was in my control again and not in control of everyone who abuses me... I've seen therapists already and called hotlines and told police only to have nothing really happen because I'm too young to file a "real report". I also can't help but feel invalid. I was never raped. I was never assaulted by him. I was never shot at or stabbed. I was mentally abused and stalked and manipulated for several years and hurt by my mother and I feel like that is no reason to feel traumatized. It was my fault anyways for dating him. I have a loving girlfriend now who I have been with for over a year and a half and things have slightly settled but my 2 other exes keep giving the abusive ex my numbers and I just don't know anymore. I also can't bring myself to keep evidence or tell a family member about my mistake even though my dad already knows. I also already dabbled with social services as well for nothing other than "you're at the age to protect yourself" yet the cops say "youre too young to file a report for your own safety"... I really just don't know what to do. I always feel stuck and just want my freedom back and to feel valid and not truly at fault... I just wish I could feel like trauma is a correct label for what I went through and am going through rather that I'm just weak.
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