IvanSl Member Profile

...See more Hey, all, I was wondering if this should get in the breakup section, but I still think about maybe coming to terms and reconciling, so I put it here. The short story is that my girlfriend and I have been together over 10 years, we have a 7 years old daughter. She was always working late for 2 years in a very exploitative company, but two months ago I found out that once a week she would not come home right after work. After a month of quarrels and arguing, I found out she was having a secret chat, and she confessed cheating on me with an ex-colleague that is 8 years younger than her. Now for details. She lied on every step of the way. I found out, because I had to use her computer for some documents of our kid's school, and saw some chats and checked on her google history. At first, when I found out she was not coming straight home some days, she lied that they get together with her colleagues in a restaurant. She went and change all paswords and deleted all days that she was registered at that place. This was really suspicious for me and I went to check the restaurant, and sure enough it was near where google would show her whereabouts, but still it was on the other side of a big boulevard, so I confronted her again. Then she said it was an apartment of the colleague in question, but they were always in a company and were just relaxing, having some beers, watching movies, so on. But she insisted it has happened only a few times, and I saw that it was at least once a week, and there were times I was not in the city because of work and it will show her being there every day. You can probably understand that I was sure there is something more going on. I was very stressed and suspicious and was becoming paranoid, I was watching her closely and manage to find out her phone code, and while she was in the shower I saw she has a secret chat with her colleague, locked. I started looking at information about the guy and found out his birthday, and decided to try it to unlock the chat. However I couldn't sleep for a month at that point and I couldn't wait any more for a opportunity. I was constantly shaking of anxiety and anger, and during one sleepless night I bursted in her room (we've always slept in separate rooms), took the phone and ran to the street, she screamed and followed me, the kid was after us too... it was a nightmare. I managed to open the chat and saw that they were saying naughty things to one another and were exchanging "I love you"-s, but couldn't see everything because we were in the middle of the street, so she confessed on cheating on me and I gave her the phone back. She immediately changed the codes again, and then we proceeded to talk about how she would go there and be alone with him. That night she said it has happened to cheat on me 4 or 5 times. I was kind of relieved that I wasn't some psycho and we decided we will try to overcome this. However she didn't want to be with me in the house anymore, because I was "causing her too much stress" and she can't sleep, and she just changed jobs (hence the ex-colleague part) and was still in probation period. So I went sleeping at a friends house. We had some events scheduled with close friends two days later and decided to not reject them. When we went to the event, she showed me she has deleted the chats and blocked the guy on the phone (but not in viber, and i guess not on any other of all the instant messaging she uses). We had a few arguments, but then went home together and we had a new "sincere" talk at the balcony. She then proceeded to tell me, they actually never had sex, but they would grind together through clothes. The last time they saw eachother it went a bit too far with getting naked and ready for sex, but she felt bad for cheating and left. We again tried to stay at home together, but would start arguing with one another and cause too much stress for the kis, so it was again me, that went sleeping out of the house. At that point you should know that I had everything taken on to me in our family. My salary would pay all the bills, my job allows me for more flexible time, so I would take care of the kid, I did the dishes, most of the times the laundry too, and I would be the one to cook or bring food. She would only do some cleaning and tidying once a week, and other than that she would leave the house around 8 am and come back home around 9 pm. We have a dining table, but we never used it, she would get straight to her bed, and I would bring her food, then take the plates back. I was like a servant. Her salary would stay in her bank account and "our" plan was to pile up for a new home. Around a year ago her salary became higher than mine and we were happy we will manage to find a new place to live soon. Now however she took all the money and really bought an apartment, but with her mother on the papers, and not me. It turns out that according to her, me paying for her whole life for 10 years, and stupidly putting any extra bonusses I had and leftovers of my salary in her bank account, was not significant, and I have no part in these savings. Back to the point. I still love her, but I am completely off with my trust in her. She wouldn't do anything to try to rebuild it. She is still secretive, she would get angry when I become depressed because of her infidelity, and she is avoiding any physical interaction with me, so I don't feel like she wants to be around, let alone love me. She was saying she wants to reconcile, but words get you so far. We had a very bad argument again in friday and since then she is sleeping at her mother's. We havent spoken since then, and probably we will not try to reconcile anymore. And I'm pretty sure it is not possible anyway. So there's that. Maybe I'm missing some points, but that's my story.

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