Izems Member Profile

...See more Hello, my name is Andrew and I am currently suffering from horrible depression. I don't know where to start and I don't feel very good so hopefully this doesn't come out too jumbled. My fiancée and I broke up over Christmas, and after 3 or 4 months we got back together. I started at a new college and had a hard time attending class. I failed my calculus class (although I know the subject well) and barely passed my other class. I work late nights, until 2am in the morning, at McDonalds. I am a manager in training. My fiancée and I aren't getting along very well. She wants to move out of state for college and I can't do that. We have tried to compromise and go to another school in the state but every other day she seems resentful of it and wants to go somewhere else. Her parents are moving next year to Germany and we have a very rocky relationship. I lied to my parents and they think I currently have a 4.0 GPA. I dont know if I love my fiancée anymore. Well no, I love her but I dont know if we are right for each other. I am under a lot of pressure from my family to wait to get married, although they support my engagement. My fiancée wants nothing less than to get married right after she turns 18 (next summer) but she agreed to wait if we went to a different school. I currently have ring payments for the next 6 months and her dress payment. She has been telling me to forget the dress and to try to get a refund. Also she wants me to cancel our current arrangements for the venue. Between work and my fiancée and family I am so stressed out I cannot focus on college. Work keeps me up late and when I get home I just want to talk to my friend in Arizona (I am in Washington) and to play games with him. I want to move to Arizona and attend college with him, but my parents would never pay for out of state tuition. It looks like the tuition is about 6-10k more per year than my current college, so through loans and scholarships I could probably pay the difference and work to pay for my housing and food. My fiancée cant understand why I am ok going to Arizona but not the south where she wants to go. I just know my friend in Arizona and it looks like a nice school. I cant find myself able to get up to attend my calculus and physics classes because they are so easy and the teachers suck. On top of that my classes are so spread out and I live so far away I have to sit around and do nothing fun until my computer science class. I just dont know if I should break up with my fiancée and let her move to Germany or to the south and for me to go to Arizona with my friend. My older brother lives in seattle and he always pushes me to go to UW but I would never be able to get into a school like that and also afford to live in Seattle working as a Manager at McDonalds :/ I guess I am just stressed from worries of money and also my family being so "i told you so" if I break up and also not sure if I should break up or to keep trying to work on my problems with her. College is suffering from my depression and work is depressing because Im not happy so I get irritated super easily.

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