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JCV30
146 M Embraced 1
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2021 Member sinceJuly 31, 2021
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Left behind by time
Anxiety Support / by JCV30
Last post
 August 4th, 2021
...See more I'm 33. I act or show that i am independent or I'm mature. But inside i feel like i haven't really grew. Like I've been left behind by time and I'm still that boy stuck at just wanting to have fun or play at my computer. Until i realized that my cousins, friends, are starting their own families already. And im here. Laying in my bed. Lost. Playing games, eating and sleeping. Its become a routine. I know i should do something but im afraid. I dont have a job. My first job was at my family business coz i couldn't get or find a job for me. I gave up too soon because of the constant nag of my boss which was my own grandmother. I left. And now I'm 33. Spending the last of the money i saved before. Scared that i have to go out there again. Especially at my age, companies would prefer the younger ones. I feel that even the young ones know much more than me which i know is true. I'm not the smart kid at school. More like the happy go lucky type before. Now I'm 33, I panic at the sound of a doorbell when my sister has a delivery. I don't want to go out the door. Opening the door to the outside world feels really really heavy that i hide in my room. I feel that people will always have their eyes on me. Talk about me or judge me. Even at family occasions, my relatives gives me that look like I'm a reminder to them not to be like a failure like me. I know that it doesnt matter what others think but knowing that im like that doesnt help either. I'm just too afraid to do anything and move.. no matter what i do before, i feel like people will always be better than me. Left behind by people who is even younger than me. I feel useless. Feeling sorry for myself and angry that I'm like this. I want to change but the one support i have.. my mother.. died 2 years ago.. I'm a mama's boy i guess. No matter how hard things get, she would always say its okay and help me out. I got spoiled and took for granted everything. Thinking that she would always be there even if I'm old. I know i have to move at some point but i looked the other way. I didnt face it. I had someone to face it for me. Now its worse since she's gone. I know I'm pathetic. I don't know what to do or where to start. I feel empty. 33.. i keep telling myself before ill be someone at that age.. but now that im 33.. what's next.. I'm still at the starting point and i haven't done anything. Do i need to take meds or something? Is there a medicine that just blocks shyness or nervousness away. I want to be confident but there's just too many eyes staring at me when I'm outside. It scares me.. people scares me. I've been bullied when i was young. I thought ill get over it in time. But i didnt. I still know all their names. Its been more than 15 yrs. I didnt expect it would affect me so much. I wish i can go back to the past and change everything.
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Left behind
Anxiety Support / by JCV30
Last post
 July 31st, 2021
...See more I'm 33. I act or show that i am independent or I'm mature. But inside i feel like i haven't really grew. Like I've been left behind by time and I'm still that boy stuck at just wanting to have fun or play at my computer. Until i realized that my cousins, friends, are starting their own families already. And im here. Lying in my bed. Lost. Playing games, eating and sleeping. I know i should do something but im afraid. I dont have a job. My first job was a family company coz i couldn't get or find a job for me. I gave up too soon. And now I'm 33. Spending the last of the money i saved before. Scared that i have to go out there again. I panic from the sound of a doorbell when my sister has a delivery. I don't want to go out the door. I feel that people will always have their eyes on me. Talk about me or judge me. I know that it doesnt matter but knowing that im like that.. doesnt help either. Im just afraid to do stuff and move.. no matter what i do before, i feel like people will always be better than me. Left behind by people who is even younger than me. I feel useless. Feeling sorry for myself and angry that I'm like this. I want to change but the one support i have.. my mother.. died 2 years ago.. I'm a mama's boy i guess. No matter how hard things get, she would always say its okay and help me out. I got spoiled and took for granted everything. Thinking that she would always be there even if I'm old. I know i have to move at some point but i looked the other way. I didnt face it. I had someone to face it for me. Now its worse since she's gone. I know I'm pathetic. That's the worst part coz i know what's wrong with me and im not doing anything about it because im scared, a coward, lazy. Hopeless.
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