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So im going to rant a little I really need advice or help of any sort thank you if you read through this all.
So ive been dating this guy for 4 years now. We had a beautiful bay girl in 2015, He proposed to me April 2016 and i said yes which I am really regretting now.
When we first started dating, maybe 5 months in my parents liked him so much they told him to move into my grandparents old house and they also packed up my stuff without my permission and moved me in too. That was during the first time i broke up with him and i seriously just wanted it to be over then. They wouldn't let me come back though. I was 18, senior in high school, and homeless, so obviously I just stayed there. I figured things would get better.
I got pregnant end of senior year. July 3 2015 we found out my dad had cancer. He passed away August 17. While we were in the hospital he always called him his son in law which me and my therapist think has a big part in why I stayed with him. I had my daughter 12 days later.
He lost his job in 2016 and that's when everything when down hill. I got 2 jobs which were both bartender/waitressing so it obviously wasn't racking in the money. Also we just got a house together. I was paying the house bill, electric, water, seriously everything. I paid for the whole wedding: my ring that we picked out together but i had to buy, his ring, all the decor, the spot we had it, the dinner, the chairs. EVERYTHING. His family paid for nothing. My mom tried hard to help. Ontop of that i was trying to buy us food and our daughters needs which obviously was #1. I think at that point I really understood how much of a "man he was"
He seriously sat around and played video games all day. I'd ask him to do little things like do dishes, laundry, maybe pick up a little here and there while i worked. I'd come home and the place was disastrous. It made me sick to my stomach that we were living in a pit like that. I'd have to clean up after work whether I got off at 9pm-2am. He was to the point I got home and he maybe changed the daughters diaper 1s/2s. Didn't give her a bath (I would in the morning or if she was still awake) her sleep schedule was SO off. He started tearing me down saying I don't have a real job, i dont do alot, he wouldnt let me do my hair or makeup because people would look at me and I'd cheat, he told me i was fat because I gained weight from having a kid and stress eating, he wouldnt let me dress cute, for say I'd I had a little cleavage showing, " who are you dressing up for? You have no one to impress, go change" and he seriously would not let me leave the house until I changed clothes. He serious crushed my self esteem so much. I worked so hard from high school to now to be such a great, pretty, and in shape person and now I'm seriously right back where i started plus some. I'm crushed.
I got to the point I was sick of it so i packed up our daughter and my clothes and move to my moms. She claimed she understood and i had to get out out there. While trying to move out he would block every doorway I tried going to and grabbed my wrist and said i wasn't going anywhere. I FINALLY got out with our daughter. It seriously kills me that she had to see us fight or that moment. She doesn't deserve that.
Mind you my family, his family, and close friends have all been on his ass to get a job. He claims he looked for jobs but they weren't hiring which wasn't true alot needed a cdl. We told him to get his cdl because it would broaden his options for jobs but he threw a fit and said no. He claims all of the way he acted was because he was in a bad depression and he can change.
After seeing my therapist i got a call from my mom and sister saying that i need to grow up, this is a phase and i need to go back to his house. I was crushed. He obviously texted them saying I was having a "bipolar episode" that this was just a phase and I need to work threw it. I was so upset. I had to go into the hospital for being suicidal, i didn't do anything to myself just didnt trust myself. I felt like that was the only way I could get out of this. My family then said i could move back with them they didnt want me staying there.
I think after him seeing the house cleaned out like that he realized I was serious. I want a devoirce or get the marriage annulled because it's only been 2 months. He got a job like right way, cleaned the house the best he could, and all of a sudden was Mr happy to lucky. My mom obviously fell for it because she doesn't want me leaving him "just take a break for a month"
I talked to this guy from my school that was always very nice to me and like a brother, he said i wad cheating, i will admit we were cheesy and flirty at points but thats just the way me and this guy were, we are like brother and sister but if I saw that on his Facebook I would be crushed too. I know i should have never responded but maybe I wanted to becaude I knew he looked threw all ym social media and would see it and break up, which didn't happen obviously . I feel so terrible about that too.
I just really cant keep going on like this you guys. I HAVE my decision made, i dont want to be with him.i just don't know how to take control from here. I feel like I'm letting everyone down. I feel like I'm a bad mom for not being with her dad. I feel like I wasted so much money and time for nothing. That's the only reason I went on with the wedding. I shouldn't have done that and I could tell so bad that he didn't want to either. He was so drunk by 10 he was passed out and puking outside and had to go home. I'm such a people pleaser that i seriously just cant do this. His family likes me so much and it just kills me but i really just cannot be with him anymore. He's killed me inside I swear. I'm not who I use to be nor is he. I had bad depression in high school but this is 100x worse. I'm not scared of him being with our daughter he loves her so much but he's just so mean to me and idk why..
His parents are devoriced so he says we can't because he had a bad life while his parents were seperated. He says since we got married im "stuck with him forever". He says that his dad knows "tricks" so he won't have to pay child support and he will get custody of our daughter. It all just scares me. I'm so scared of him.I have no idea what to do you guys . I have no one that understands.
