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JesseJustExisting
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2025 Member sinceJanuary 7, 2025
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I feel like my ex broke me
General Support / by JesseJustExisting
Last post
 January 13th, 2025
...See more At this point I just want a space to type this all out, as I don't know what to do. I'm a guy, 25 yrs. I was in a relationship with another guy for 4 years. He said 3 years in that he wanted an open relationship, and I did not want that. So he cheated on me. Tale as old as time.  He did it before, and he did it again.  What sucks so bad is that at year 4, we broke up and I didn't want it to end. I said stupidly that I'd do the open relationship thing, and he ended up not taking me back but we lived together for awhile and we were "friends with benefits". I thought I could get into him sleeping with other people and being ok with it but then realized I couldn't. So we officially ended things. Now I'm in a relationship with an amazing partner for 2 years, and things are going great. Amazingly actually. There's just one problem... I've been hiding the fact that my dumb ex actually got me into the idea of an open relationship, and it turns out I do kind of want it. And that is SO dumb. SO DUMB! AND IT SUCKS! IT SUCKS SO BAD! My current partner is amazing, and I love them in every sense of the word. They are 100% monogamous, and I would never dream of telling them something like this. It sucks having feelings of wanting something more than what feels perfect. And it sucks even more that it now feels like I'm hiding a part of myself. The fact that I can even say it's apart of myself now feels sick, and disgusting, but true. I don't think people on open relationships are disgusting - I just mean I feel disgusted that the intrigue that caused this feeling on me came from chasing an ex. Came from wanting to keep him and not lose him. Knowing that this likely has always been apart of me, but would have never came to light if I never even remotely wanted it. I really did want monogamy, and actually think I still do. But at the same time I have strong feelings because of my ex about something that feels immoral for my own life, and I am just so effing scared that it will affect what I feel is perfect and amazing with my current partner. And I just have no idea what to do
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