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Kaeli2649
369 M Embraced 3
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts36 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceDecember 27, 2023
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Safe Space for All
Journals & Diaries / by Kaeli2649
Last post
 January 19th, 2024
...See more I have been feeling lonely these last few weeks and just need somewhere where I can feel safe to share my feelings and maybe find some support. Anyone can vent in this thread but put trigger warnings.  I don't really know how to word my fears. Sometimes I feel as if I was to explain them, I feel as if they are stupid and shouldn't exist. I have trouble getting my thoughts straight and when I'm talking to someone about what is going on in my mind in the moment, my thoughts become jumbled and I can't just say one because I lose the other thoughts or questions I had.  I fear that I'm the only one who fears the loss of those important to you. I don't mean like later in life losing them, no I mean, I fear I am going to lose that person right then and there. Like they are going to leave the second I look away. One second they're there and the next they aren't. All I did was look away and I fear I will never see them again. I fear that me healing the way I heal affects those around me, in a negative sense. I feel like when I am trying to understand my feelings toward something this big and I am doing all I know to do and what works for me, everyone uses it as a sign that I'm mad or upset or hate them. But in reality, I am stuck in my own head and don't know how to get out because that's how I learn what I feel, that's how I heal, that's how I learn, and build myself up after taking a hard knock down.  Sometimes I feel like to boys I am nothing more than my body. Like there isn't anything they care about and that hurts because I don't care about their bodies so why do I get treated like I'm nothing more than my hips, butt, thighs, ***, waist. Why? I feel like no matter what I do people only notice when I'm sitting or relaxing. They don't see when I do anything. They don't see how hard it is for me not to just lay in bed all day and sink into depression. They don't understand how much I stretch myself out to help even when I want to do nothing but cry. 
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My life
Depression Support / by Kaeli2649
Last post
 January 7th, 2024
...See more I still don't know how I feel anymore. I'm so stuck. No matter how many times I think about it, no matter what I do, no matter what I tell people. I'M STILL STUCK. I'm numb, i'm broken, tired, exhausted to the point that I feel like a wilted flower. Petals fall as memories take over my mind. My stem breaks when I see things that remind me of them. My leaves crinkle in depression, barely hanging onto life. There's no reverse to this kind of pain. There's no restart button. I can't even go back and be happy because the little number of memories I have are clouded from my overthinking mind.   The little bit of happiness I have, gets overshadowed with fear. 
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