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Kandx
86 M Embraced
PathStep 3 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2020 Member sinceJuly 5, 2020
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Lonely, sexless and kinda stuck
Relationship Stress / by Kandx
Last post
 July 7th, 2020
...See more I know what the solution is. I do. I just don't want it to be the answer. I know I need to leave. We have been off and on for awhile. Last summer we decided to leave our jobs and lives behind for a new life of travel. We made it though a few months at BurningMan living in a tent for 2 months, through a couple of other strange living situations and now we are in Costa Rica. It's paradise or so it should be. Our politics are different. He is very strongly in support of one side and I roll in the middle but have no real interest in discussing it. This is the one thing he will talk about. I can ask a question or lay out how I am feeling and he will not respond. Not a word. I've never experienced anything like it. I can push him and he will then get loud repeating himself over and over with things he has repeated to me in previous conversations. There is never a solution. Yet when with other people he talks a mile a minute, in fact he speaks over me and others. There is no sex not any time type of intimacy or romance or acknowledgement of a holiday from him. I bought myself Christmas presents and wrapped them so I would have things to open in front of my son and sister when we got together to exchange gifts. He doesn't celebrate, apparently. He does what he wants when he wants with no regard to my opinion or our situation financial or otherwise but "never tells me no" so it's ok. I am the reason we don't have sex. I am "daunting" because "all the other women have left puddles". I am the problem. He doesn't make me come but nearly never comes himself but I am the problem. He doesn't like kissing. Wtf?!? I just can't wrap my head around that. I feel like he needs to add "you" at the end. I don't like kissing...you. We used to have a very physical relationship. Very. Like a few times a day. It wasn't very good. Lots of pounding not emotional or intimate not as though I was a person in the room with him and at the time that was fine but now things are different. There are feelings involved for me at least he claims to love me because he is spending his retirement with me (on me). I don't work. He pays for everything. I used to pay for a lot of things because I had a better job but he has a pension now so I am completely dependent on him, living in and traveling to many foreign countries is the plan when the world opens up again. We have the same goals to travel and scuba and eat and have fun but I feel so alone. So undesired and unwanted. I am 51. I am aging. As we all are. It's been difficult for me. His disinterest does not help. I used to be a stripper and an escort, like 5yrs ago. I am not a prude. I am not your regular middle aged woman. I know how that sounds and I'm sorry but I need to be clear. I am on the back of a motorcycle every day, I still wear a bikini and do shots and dance in the kitchen. I am still a vibrant person. He is too but not for me. We have no stress in our lives. We are chilling out in paradise. Literally. My whole life is tied up in this. I have no real place to go. I gave up everything to be with him. I think I deserve a response to a simple question and not to have to beg my man for sex. Right?!? Or a kiss?? Wtf?? His ex wife left him 21 years ago!!!! Seriously?? Come on man. People get divorced. I did too. Can you tell a 6'6" 285lbs ex NFL offensive lineman to freaking deal with it?? Enough already! I'm angry and hurt. I am not some type of unfeeling person but 21yrs?? I am right here!!!!!!
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