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KatieMoon1
66,836 M Big Steps
PathStep 48 Compassion hearts567 Forum posts414 Forum upvotes819 Current upvotes819 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceMay 28, 2016
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I took the first step and it feels worse.... :/
Eating Disorder Support / by KatieMoon1
Last post
 July 24th, 2017
...See more So, I was put in the position where I was forced to tell my doctor about my ED or face involuntary hospitalization. So, I told him - but now, the ED voice is SO LOUD and it feels worse than it was before and I'm kind of freaking out because as long as I've dealt with this, I don't really get WHY it's worse and I hate not understanding. So, anyone have some thoughts on that?
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Can an SSRI work immediately?
Depression Support / by KatieMoon1
Last post
 May 18th, 2017
...See more I know we aren't experts in this so just looking for anyone who has had a similar experience. I started taking a medication yesterday to help with symptoms and to help me cope. I was warned it could give me energy before I start to feel better. But this was weird. Now, I am sure it started to work right away. Maybe that's a placebo effect, but I can guarantee you that my head and body felt different. (And I do got that the placebo affect is valid and sometimes is all you need for something to help you.) But, I almost felt like I was taking an illicit drug because the feeling was so profound and markedly different. Colours were different, sounds different and more noticeable - the feeling of my body in own skin, like my mind was somehow pulled back into my body after having floated around outside of it for months. My speech felt rapid and goddess I laughed so hard at someone's joke. Really bizzare. Ive taken many medications before, but this was over 15 years ago. I don't ever remember them working for me or as quickly so I am kind of shocked and a little skeptical that this is going to last. I'm curious to see how today goes. (The Mer is [Specific drug name edited by Forum mod ladylazarus1971] btw.) Any thoughts?
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Really want to stop fighting....
Eating Disorder Support / by KatieMoon1
Last post
 May 13th, 2017
...See more I find it so much easier to lift other people up, but to do this for myself....so exhausting. :/ I really, really, really want to stop fighting back this week. I want to let the ED win. I want to give into the gremlins that tell me I need to loose more weight. Just a little... no one will notice a little. I know it's too much already, that it needs to slow down and for a while I did slow down - but I'm so tired of pushing back. It's like I'm on the edge of a deep hole and it's creeping closer to me. I keep pushing the edge of that hole back. One day it gets closer to me and I have the strength to take a step backwards, but the next day I nearly fall in. This week, I'm hovering on the edge, my legs are dangling over and I just want to fall in. I just want to let it swallow me whole. I keep telling myself that I can stop it whenever I want, but really it's just a daily struggle of pushing back against it and I'm so tired of it. It never goes away and it's so much easier just to let it swallow me. Ok. Done venting... :/
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Comments on Appearance: Coping
Eating Disorder Support / by KatieMoon1
Last post
 May 6th, 2017
...See more I have a colleague in my office, who nearly every day finds it appropriate to comment on my size/weight/thinness. Last week she approached me and asked me if I was sick. This week she told me I need to eat more. A few days before that a comment about my weight and being cold. I GET IT. I don't look healthy. Comments are not helping tho. :/ I realize this person may have issues with her own self esteem and weight and so I often ignore her comments. But it's triggering and a bit much now. Ugh. Apart from flat out telling her I have an ED and I'm working towards recovery I'm not sure how to approach this tactfully. How do you deal with this? Thanks.
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When dreams become a trigger...
Trauma Support / by KatieMoon1
Last post
 October 11th, 2017
...See more I'm all buggered up today from a dream I had. I KNOW it's not reality but it's still giving my PTSD symptoms. For goodness sake! Argh! I was hoping it would fade as the day went on but nope. I don't even know what I need. Just wanted to vent.
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A "higher level of care"...is not on my agenda.
Eating Disorder Support / by KatieMoon1
Last post
 April 9th, 2017
...See more My therapist told me today I need a "higher level of care" - which had thrown me for a loop because I thought I was handling this. To top it off, no one has a clue that this is an issue for me because I have a gut disease that causes weight loss. I'm so tempted to ignore her advice and do things my way but she doesn't feel like I am in control of this. I'm kind of silently freaking out. Ugh. K
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