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there’s this guy I’m interested in. I used to work with him a few years ago and recently like within the past 2-3 years, we started matching nonstop on a few dating apps. Over and over again it would happen and we would kinda laugh about it and never really took it seriously until recently. It’s worth mentioning that back a couple of months ago, we started texting for a couple of days and then we just like stopped talking. He would post stories on *** and *** , yet he would go days , sometimes up to a week without even OPENING my snaps. I thought that it was really weird he would be posting nonstop but wouldn’t even open my snaps….. I was really interested in him and he really seemed like he was interested in me too but wouldn’t even care about talking to me or reading my messages or anything . I got kind of upset about it especially because the next time we had matched on a dating app he seemed mildly annoyed saying “we just keep going around in circles” .
I was annoyed because.. hello? I’m trying to actually talk to you and get to know you more and potentially date you and you say and seem into me too and then do nothing about it? There has been a time or two where he actually wanted to hang out but one of those times was to go daydrink at some college party and the other was like last weekend at like midnight and I’m pretty sure he was drunk.
He told me prior that he wasn’t really looking for a relationship and that we both wanted 2 different things and that he didn’t know if he could “give me what I wanted”. He knew I wanted to be in one and was looking to get out of the single life , he said he didn’t like being single either but he definitely made it apparent that he wasn’t actively looking for a relationship right now and wanted to work on himself. He said that he probably wouldn’t have the time right now to treat someone the way they deserve but that he wants to be able to have movie nights with someone and just be able to kiss and stuff and he said “but that’s how people get hurt”
But THEN , that all literally changed and our conversation last weekend completey confused me, hence why I’m here.
So, after he told me that we both wanted 2 different things and stuff , I wasn’t going to fight it. I’ve tried with him and so I replied back super nice , just basically saying how it sucked but it is what it is and I respect it. And he said “it’s not it is what it is tho. I’m into you. I just like seeing where things go before I dedicate myself to someone. If you give me time, there’s no reason I can’t be yours. I just don’t want you to have expectations that won’t get reached bc I’m not honest with you. I feel like if we do become a thing , your expecting it to evolve into something more serious and idk if it will bc I don’t like to rush things and I don’t want you to feel like your wasting your time if it doesn’t go the way you want. “
Here’s some other texts he sent me that night:
“I do want you . And if things go well , which they should , I just wanna see where things go and that’s it; I just don’t want you to be upset if we’re not moving at the pace you want it to; I’m not an *** and I’m not going to waste your time for no reason“
“You might get attached but I might too. I’m not gonna BS or waste your time. I want to see if we click like you think and I know we will. I just want to hang out as friends without intent or ideas that things will evolve into more than more will come from it because maybe we won’t click in person I only shut things down when they go or seem like they’re going further than I’m ready.”
“It’s not that I’m not into you. I’m just busy and don’t want to talk to anyone. We’re not a thing so I don’t feel like or want to explain that but if we were thing I would tell you that stuff. I never BSed how much I was into you I just got deterred. I wouldn’t be having this convo if I wasn’t into you/ wasn’t trying to prove I’m serious. Just take your time with me and I’ll probably be everything you want”
“And don’t believe me off the bat. I’m here to prove everything to you unless you give me a reason not to. I’m not scared of going after what I want.”
“Then, realistically, if you want me in things work out the way they should then you could have me and as things get better my communication will improve and things will get better and better but I don’t date or trying to date after a short time . I like seeing how things unfold but I also don’t like to share so if we’re seeing how things go, I’m not surfing around in other peoples DM’s or entertaining things either because I’m kind of a *** to be honest. I just have a lot going on and when I start talking to you when I’m like that eventually because it’s overwhelming for me at least I’m yours.” (Don’t even understand half of this)
“Try not to get overly enthralled until I give you a reason to be which will come of it if it goes the way it should if we both just relax a little”
“So if someone gets attached too quick, someone could get hurt, and it could be me if I fall in love with you and then have to move but I do know if we do take our time, both of us won’t be able to take the smile off of our faces. “
“I would like my next to be my last, so that’s why I’m in no rush”
“And if you thought I was only trying to get in your pants tonight, I wouldn’t be having this conversation so I don’t think that no more.”
“You’ve got time to find out the truth that everything I say is real”
“You’re too sweet girl. I’m not BSing you”
Then , later after the conversation changed up a little bit, I brought it back up again asking if he really meant all that and was serious about seeing where things go and whatnot. And he, once again, told me yes.
This was last weekend and I haven’t talked to him at all since. The next day we didn’t text like at ALL cause we were both busy but the weirdest part of it all was late that night he asked me what I was doing , I’m like 98% sure he asked me that because he was going to ask to hang out . He texted me “what are you doing “ and then a minute later , he texted me asking it AGAIN. 3 minutes later I responded and then , I never got a text back from him. I texted him like twice after that but no response .
A few days went by , I hadn’t heard from him so I was so confused and didn’t know what was going on and why he would double text me and not respond , esp when I answered him back 3 minutes later. It wasn’t like an hour went by. I texted him right back.
So I was so confused . Why would he go through the trouble of saying everything he did to me if he didn’t mean it , like he said?
So , when I didn’t hear from him , I texted him asking if I did something wrong ? And he told me no he had just been hungover and hadn’t really been looking at his phone (I call ***) and I also asked him why he would double text me and then not respond and he didn’t answer that. but , then I told him don’t worry about it and texted him a day or two later saying “this sucks” and I haven’t heard from him since.
My question to you all , and for those of you who aren’t overthinking , moody psychos like me 😂 , is how do I respond to all of this ? Some people have told me not to say anything at all and just be done with it but I feel like for my own personal reasons, I have to and I want to. I want him to realize that this isn’t like cool and I want my answers.
But reason I’m asking you guys is because before, I guess I didn’t handle it well and kind of came off like a psycho when I asked him about the whole *** thing where he wouldn’t open my messages or ever text me back. I understand completey that he gets into these moods apparently where he just doesn’t want to talk to anyone or be bothered and the fact that he gets busy, I get that. And I don’t need to talk to him all day , everyday. But at least every couple of days ? Right? if he meant everything he said to me, then why is he acting like this and confusing me in this way?
I’m not going to sit here and call him a liar or an *** because the fact is is that I really don’t know what he has going on or the reasoning for this , and I don’t want to come off crazy or insensitive. I get in moods where I don’t want to talk to people or be texting nonstop too but that’s not even what we’re talking about here… he said all of the above to me 👆🏽 yet goes an entire week without talking to me or trying to make plans or anything ?
Call me crazy, tell me I overthink WAYYY too much here ; but the reason I believe that he never answered me back last weekend when he asked me what I was doing is because I just have a gut feeling he was really drunk and ended up spending the night with someone else. I mean , what other excuse is there for not texting me back when I replied right back and then acting like this for the entire week?
Which is fine; we’re not a thing. He can do what he wants but I thought the purpose of all of this was to see where things go . He said he didn’t like “sharing” with other people he made it a point to say that to me because he didn’t want me talking to other people either. I understand not wanting to be tied down or wanting to be talking nonstop throughout the day and I’m not asking for anything from him here besides to just prove his words were true. And if they were true, how could you go an entire week not wanting to talk to me or respond to my texts at all? Or even make plans to hang out this weekend or whatever ?
This sucks and I was confused before and didn’t really believe he meant what he said before but he said that he was “here to prove everything to me unless I give him a reason not to” and how he’s going for what he wants .
My question to you all is how do I approach this situation?
What do I text him and say?
Because I don’t wanna be a *** or come off needy or crazy but I also don’t wanna waste my time thinking I’m talking to someone when he makes 0 effort at all to even show me that he wants this. I want someone who wants this. And I could be overreacting or thinking things that aren’t true but that’s why I want to get it all straight here and now. He’s been so back and forth . First saying he doesn’t want a relationship and we both want different things and then telling me he does want me and he’s going after what he wants . All I want to know from him is what is going on and what am I supposed to think ?
I just want to approach this in a very careful way, not being rude , not being sarcastic , just send him a text where I’m not like stressing him out and pressuring him but making it known that hes confusing the *** out of me and does he want to talk to me and see where things go or not.
I’m sorry this is so long, please don’t yell at me😂 I guess I just needed to vent too 😂 and also, get the whole situation down so you guys know everything. I’ve also had the absolute worst luck when it comes to dating and guys so I’m trying to do this the right way . please help :( reply with what you would say when texting him.
