LSTMama55 Member Profile

...See more I’m not really looking for advice here, just a place to vent. I’m in the middle of law school, which takes up a crazy amount of time and energy. I also have two-year-old twins, who take up whatever time and energy I’m not spending on school. My husband works four hours a day in the early mornings, then spends most of the day taking care of our kids. In the middle of the day he takes them to the gym where they play in the child watch and he hangs out with his sister (but doesn’t actually work out much) for a couple hours, then usually goes back to her house for another hour or so until nap time. At around 5 or 5:30 every day, he asks me to come out and watch the kids so he can go take a nap or have some alone time. Then at 6:30 or 7;00 he goes to the gym again for his real workout, leaving the kids home with me, and he stays there until at least 9:30. We both have long days, and I understand that taking care of two toddlers all day is tiring. But when comparing his day to mine, it’s a little ridiculous. He works, then takes care of the kids, then gets a couple hours break at the gym, then gets a short break while they’re taking a nap, then takes care of them some more, then takes his alone time in the bedroom for an hour, then spends 2-3 more hours at the gym. I on the other hand, spend a good 8-9 hours working, then come out and take care of the kids for 4-5 hours, put them to bed (usually by myself), then do more homework until I fall asleep. I don’t get alone time to take a nap or read a book alone in the bedroom like he does. I’m lucky if I get to leave the house for something I want to do a couple times a week. Even something like going to the grocery store is a rare treat for me. So in short, from my perspective, he gets as much or more personal time in a day as I get in a week. And when I try to tell him I need more personal time, he either brushes me off or tells me I’m being selfish. It when I try to tell him he gets too much personal time, he gets mad and tells me he Needs that time because he spends so much time taking care of the kids and has anxiety and so he needs all that break time. So it’s totally unfair in my opinion, and none of my attempts to talk to him about it or find ways to fix it in my own have worked. And most of the time I just kind of accept that I can’t have much free time, but I just wish that he would realize how hard it really is for me and even just show some sympathy occasionally. But even today, on Mother’s Day, the kids woke me up early and I spent almost three hours playing with them, bathing them, feeding them, getting them dressed and ready for church, etc. before he even woke up. Later in the day I told him I was bothered that on Mother’s Day he didn’t make any effort to wake up and help get the kids ready. He apologized and said he would do more next Mother’s Day. But then a few hours later we were getting ready for dinner with my mom and I cleaned the whole kitchen while he *kinda* cleaned the living room, then he sat on the couch watching tv while I did the dishes! Like, did you even listen when I said I was bothered that I did all the work this morning?? I’m really not asking for much. Just a little bit of understanding, and maybe a break from doing everything on Mother’s Day. Is that too much to ask?

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