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LapisOphelia99
189 M Embraced 1
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2020 Member sinceJune 14, 2019
Recent forum posts
Butterflies
Depression Support / by LapisOphelia99
Last post
June 17th, 2019
...See more Today I wanted to share something Ive been working on. Writing often helps me express my feelings and dig myself out of the hole that seems to be swallowing me up. I hope it helps someone. Im scared of death, I dont want to just go to sleep one day and everything be black. My nightmares continue to show that the darkness holds no safety. Im scared I wont wake up to tell you I love you. To tell my family goodbye. That one day it will be all gone. Instantaneous. That a wave could crash and wash me away with it. Im scared of the void that harbors in my head. Im scared to even think of my thoughts. But in this downward spiral I continue until I hit bottom... but there is no bottom... I continue down the rabbit hole until I finally snap out of it only to think about it again later. The only thing stopping the little fluttering butterflies from turning into wasps is the search for purpose so that when the black void does come maybe it will have all been worth it to live in the first place. What does it mean to live? The question I continue to ask. Are we living if we just work towards our death day in and day out? Do we convince ourselves that we are happy so that maybe when we do reach our coda, it was a happy life? Or do some truly find happiness and live every day chasing a dream that may never come true but at least they ran? They tell us to stay healthy and keep our bodies in shape, but they never say anything about keeping our mind in shape. Just like running through a forest helps you stay healthy, running after a dream helps you stay sane. Notice I dont say treadmill because on a treadmill you go no where. When you chase after a dream, you go everywhere. You find adventures along the way you didnt think youd stumble upon but suddenly it becomes a part of your life story. What do you want people to read at your funeral? An instruction manual 10 pages thin about the daily life of a robot? Day in and day out living just to breathe? Living just for the next paycheck? Or do you want the tome of adventure and dreams that some can only fantasize? Like any adventure novel, we find ourselves scared or angry at low points, but the fear is what makes the end worthwhile. We cant win at everything, but thats what makes the victories we do earn so sweet. Let your life flourish into butterflies 🦋and maybe you can just out run death. Because if we have truly lived our lives, death will never take us away from the world.