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Lavenderose
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2021 Member sinceJuly 30, 2021
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I need some advice
Anxiety Support / by Lavenderose
Last post
 August 10th, 2021
...See more So a lots been going on and I feel I'm getting overwhelmed and I cry more now than I have in the past. For back story my dad was abusive throughout my childhood (verbal, emotional, psychologically) as I've gotten older and he's no longer in the picture I've realized my mom is emotionally abusive and she has many qualities and signs that she's a narcissistic mother. I had just graduated from college last winter and got a job very quickly in my field. I loved it at first but then my Art Director started micromanaging me and bullying me along side the company having a high turnover rate and many many red flags that I didn't catch onto until a couple months in. It got worse as time went on and there was sexual harassment and HR violations left and right. I was beginning to feel like I was cracking under the stress and pressure. I was moving on top of all this and one year into my first relationship with someone I truly love and adore. Though during the peak time that stressors were hitting from every side of my life my boyfriend and I had our first fight which left me feeling overwhelmed and not able to function properly that week and I broke down crying in front of my soon to be work bully. Fast forward a bit and I contemplate leaving after feeling weird aboit being threatened over the course of my 90 days working there and the reviews. They were threatening my job security and with that I wanted to leave because things were just getting worse by the day. They blamed me for their mismanagement and they were letting me go as I was wanting to leave which was very weird especially since the HR was the owner's wife and I saw her a total of 3 times...I didn't even have off boarding which I don't know if that's okay/normal. So that's been stressful on top of moving during the 4th of July weekend during all of this. I have job offers currently so I'm not too stressed about that but I'm overwhelmed by newness and change in every aspect of my life. I've been thinking and getting hints over the years but it's rapidly becoming clear to me that I might be Autistic and I want help with navigating that. From all that's been going on I've been discovering so many things about myself but at the same time it's been very stress inducing. I've been getting anxiety attacks or what I feel are autistic shut downs more frequently and I like to go in closets, corners, bathrooms to hide/process/allow shutdowns to happen in private but for some reason when I'm feeling this way when I'm around my boyfriend I shutdown in front of him and I feel really bad about it because when he tries to help it makes it worse (I'm going to discuss it with him soon to make things better if it happens in the future) I tend to want to escape when I feel bad and I've gotten to the point where I feel extremely anxious where if I shut down my entire body freezes and all my muscles tense up and I can't move and I can't think very clearly or at all. It's exhausting and painful and scary especially when I've been accused of doing it for aaome so fragile. I don't know wlmost everything literally. I don't know how to deal with stress maybe? I feel like I let things pile up emotionally until it gets to much. I just need some help as to what do I do? Is this normal? Has anyone else gone through this? I know why I feel the way I do but I don't know how to help myself with all that I'm going through. My boyfriend is really the only person I can go to and it was him that made me feel I was able to feel my emotions because my mom invalidates me constantly...I don't know what's normal and if what I'm experiencing is okay or not
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