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LaverneTheFern
192 M Embraced 1
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts26 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2022 Member sinceAugust 29, 2022
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Loved ones annoyed/angered and dismissive
35 & Over Community / by LaverneTheFern
Last post
 September 10th, 2022
...See more I don’t know if anyone else has experienced this but I have always struggled to open up and be honest with my loved ones about my struggle with depression. I come from a family with a history of domestic abuse and untreated mental illness. I have three sisters. All four of us have struggled all our lives with depression, anxiety, codependency and suicidal ideation. My sisters have also experienced further traumas outside of our shared childhood trauma experience. most of the time, when my sisters are caught in a whirlwind of chaos (usually of their own making), and they are spiraling downward…they always call me. No matter the time of day or night I will answer and I will listen and offer my love and support and guidance. I’ve talked them down of many ledges both figuratively and literally…When I am struggling…and I reach out to them…my suffering is diminished. I am met with indifference and disinterest. What reasons do I have to feel desperate compared to them? I’ve been married for 16 yrs and have three children. My children are now teenagers. So far as I can tell, mostly my bouts with depression irritate and frustrate my husband and children. They struggle to understand and seem to mostly view it as dramatic antics. The guilt I feel for having a negative impact on my family in this way along with a greater need to conceal my suffering compounds the pain and isolation I feel. Most all of the time I feel it’s necessary to keep my suffering to myself and have come to realize there is no single person in my life capable of helping me or allowing space for me to be honest. I have had periods of therapy and medication in the past but no long term consistent treatment. I started to really struggle with depression around the age of 11 or 12 initially and as I’ve grown up have experienced at least two very serious episodes of severe depression that in all honesty I should have been hospitalized for and not left alone to care for my small children by myself… I’m 35 now…and you would think that time heals all wounds but I think the truth is you have to heal your wounds yourself…otherwise you just keep ripping open the same wounds and pouring salt on them…repeating trauma responses over and over again…compounding the pain until it refuses to be ignored anymore. I really do need help and I realize the truth is, my family, what friends I did have… nobody really cares or wants to hear about it…they want me to go get therapy and work through it and they don’t want to have to hear about it either. I guess I’m just putting this out there because…well I want to feel less alone really. I want to know if there is anyone else out there that feels the way I do…that has shared horrible desperate, vulnerable moments of honesty with the ones they felt safe with - only to be met with dismissive indifference…If you know what that feels like…
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