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Leqs
118 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2022 Member sinceJanuary 13, 2022
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I'm broken and, in turn, breaking us.
Relationship Stress / by Leqs
Last post
 January 26th, 2022
...See more I live in America and I am currently dating someone in canada. It's about a 6-hour drive, so it's not something terrible. Covid obviously I've made it more difficult, but not impossible to see him. I've dated many people in my life, none of which were worth dating very long. I've been cheated on, lied to, tricked. And in so many different, unique, or creative ways. I seem to be perfectly fine when I'm single. I have confidence when I'm single. But after all this time of being screwed over, I find that the demons come out when I'm in a relationship. I'm incredibly insecure and I've never really had a high confidence to begin with. And I've never really had the opportunity to fully trust anyone other than my mother, who I haven't trusted very much. I don't know what it means to trust someone because of all of this. With that being said, my current relationship is going down the drain because of my insecurities, confidence, and, mainly, trust issues. I can get triggered by Little things. Not triggered like I get angry, but sometimes I will. More like my problems get triggered by Little things. Anytime I see that my boyfriend has gotten a Snapchat message, or message on messenger or gets a phone call or a text, I'm always worrying it's a girl. Or I know it's a family member or a friend and it just leads me down a rabbit hole thinking that he's being unfaithful, even though the message that may have triggered that thought process could be his mom or his male friends. I don't know how to make these feelings go away. I don't know how to get better. I'm scared to death that I will be this person feeling this way for the rest of my life. If that's the case, I don't think I'll ever be able to get married or have a substantial or good relationship because no one would want to be with someone like me. As they shouldn't. I know that if you don't trust someone, you shouldn't be with them. But I don't think that's necessarily the issue. I feel that the more I trust him, the more scared I am. Once I am home in America in a matter of weeks, I plan on immediately going to therapy to try and deal with this. I'm scared that it's all going to be for nothing. I'm scared that I'll never be able to learn how to shut my head off and stop overthinking. What do I do....
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