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Lessbutbetter
1 891 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 8 Compassion hearts43 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2025 Member sinceSeptember 1, 2015
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Feeling stuck and confused about our future
Relationship Stress / by Lessbutbetter
Last post
 September 11th, 2021
...See more I'm 34. She's 38. She has a kid from a previous marriage that I was partially responsible for wrecking about 8 years ago. The history is deep and even includes a pregnancy that ended early in a miscarriage back in 2016. We met on Ashley Madison while she was still married and I was in a multi-year committed relationship. At first it was just fun, but we got more attached and over the years would hook up, but she was "secretly" wishing for more. I, shamefully, did string her along and only became more intentional about a relationship with her at the begining of 2020. I had moved around a lot and ended up in another state, but she still visited me in the middle of the pandemic summer 2020. Her support meant a lot, especially when I lost my job in August and moved back in with my parents, who lived in the same state as her. This was late 2020. We moved in with each other at the begining of this year, 2021. I'll admit that part of me moved in with her because I just wanted to get out of living in a RV-style bus in the backyard of my parent's house. But another part of me genuinely was ready to begin a new life with her. However, living together was rocky from the start as I started to shed all of my old flings from the past couple of years. I enjoyed continued attention and had a hard time letting go of the idea of having a backup. I've never really had friends, so the occasional flirting with people I dated or slept with was addicting. I know it was hard for her to know I was still in touch with so many. She couldn't help but make comparisons, especially after she went through my journal and saw some of my worst admissions, questions, and doubts about things like education level, character, compatibility, physical traits, etc. I broke up with her after only several months of living together. But we remained roommates and crossed the line, and started sleeping in the same bed again despite still being officially broken up. However, there was a tipping point argument where I couldn't handle the toxicity of our situation any longer, so I told her I was going to be sleeping on the couch and figuring out how to move back in with my parents. Tragically, the next day, she received word from the police that her father was found dead. I decided that I couldn't live with abandoning her at this time, especially because her father was her only parent who she dearly loved in particular because her mother had been a drug addict and dragged her father into so much trouble that she ended up in foster care. With her father gone, I was the main male figure left in her life and I had just told her the day before that I was leaving. This is all on top of the fact that she lost her job and was already depressed from the strain I put on our relationship. I did more than the average ex boyfriend to support her during this time. I felt like I owed her for all the help she'd been during the pandemic and for putting up with all my bullshit. There's so much more context, but... I want to get to my question. Okay, here's a little more. Last week, we got into an argument AGAIN. She left the condo abruptly AGAIN, and I decided to stay at my parents for the night. She got back in the middle of the night/morning and saw some of my stuff missing, so she started to pack up my stuff and became unstable. She had "unsafe thoughts" and thankfully went to a mental health clinic for a 48 hour psychological evaluation. Alright, so with all that in mind, here is the current situation. I don't find my ex-girlfriend reliable and our communication is so weak that trying to discuss even foundational concerns about a future together takes hours and without resolution. I am beyond frustrated at this point. I have moved out to my parents, but am considering that maybe I need to "settle". Perhaps I am fantasizing about greener grass because I am experiencing some personal success in life. Perhaps if I hadn't held back in the relationship and cleaned up my act faster, maybe this relationship would work. Ultimately, I can't tell if I am being too egotistical about needing to end the relationship for the sake of my dreams and aspirations, or if I am just doing what's best for me and just feeling too guilty and scared to do what needs to be done on my own. What do you think?
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