My life has been one struggle after another, each one worse than the previous. If I hadn't been living my life, yet hearing someone tell my story, I would think they were insane. That the events, the trauma, the circumstances, the loss, the abuse, that it was all a lie. But instead I have endured every bit of it and now feel that I am void of everything. I cry over happy things, over songs that are anything but sad. And if that weren't enough the contrary is intense anger or rage, set off by nothing. Currently I suffer from the abuse inflicted by my narcissistic partner of 9 years. Just as every other chaotic event, each day is worse than the one before. I have no way out, no friend or family member to rescue me. I've been isolated, forced to become dependent on him for everything, no income of my own, no family to call for help as they have all passed years ago. It's come to a point that I feel as if I am void of everything I used to be. Now I walk around in a state of numbness. Lost wondering around as Alice had in Wonderland only she found the courage needed to overcome the obstacles she faced and found meaning in her life through her experiences, the friends she made along the way, the random advice she was given, and the ability to go home whenever she wanted to. I'm lonely and alone, questioning my own memories, I no longer put my make up on or do my hair. I consistently wear tank tops and shorts bc it's repetitive and I don't have to give it any thought. I need help. I need someone I can talk to and express what I'm experiencing not to be judged or made to feel that I'm overthinking things. Narcissist abuse is very real, very damaging, and near impossible to escape. I don't know what else to try and so here I am, trying.