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LovelyChantel
764 M Little Steps
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts34 Forum posts35 Forum upvotes46 Current upvotes46 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2017 Member sinceSeptember 24, 2017
Bio

I am a 2o something female survivor of multiple sexual assaults as well as physical, emotional, verbal, mental, and ritualized/religious abuse all my life too. But I am healing! I remember more and am learning more each day. But my boyfriend helps me so much as does my cat. So lucky to have them in my life.

I have ADHD, major depression, C-PTSD, OCD tendencies, personality disorder NOS, anorexia nervosa, fibromyalgia, dermatomillomania, and bipolar disorder NOS, and I have 'Pieces' inside of me inside my mind... I've been learning more about them all the time. They talk to me... Dissociation is something I deal with and it's hard for me...

I love animals and love helping others which is why I am a licensed RN and dog groomer. It is my passion and I love it!!! I am a spiritual person and work with gems and crystals, sage, angels and spirits, meditation and healing work. I respect all beliefs. Just don't be pushy about it. Thanks for stopping by.

Recent forum posts
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A Tangled Mess *TW*
Trauma Support / by LovelyChantel
Last post
 October 3rd, 2017
...See more I'm sorry. I am bad and I don't belong here with all you true survivors. It's so confusing. Sometimes I think it is almost worse this way... because he (dad) honestly loves/loved me but at the same time he caused so many issues.. like severe pain (the kind that prevents thinking or anything, dissociation) by playing sadistic and sexual and painful "games"... and I have a fear over MANY things... for example, he'd wait until I had completely let my guard down/was vulnerable and then he'd hide and then he'd jump out to scare me, or one time he held me down so I couldn't get away and told me to turn my head only to see a spider next to me, inches from my face (spiders are one of my biggest fears) he held me there while I screamed and screamed, or he would rip open the shower curtain while I was bathing/showering and/or he would wait quietly outside of the bathroom door listening and waiting until I was completely vulnerable and had let my guard down, then he'd pound on the door laughing maniacally - it made me jump so hard I'd sometimes fall of the sink where I was sitting and get hurt. He did nerve shock torture and other really bad things I won't say... While we were cuddling or spooning each other (that's normal right?) on the couch he could feel me relax and settle down into him, and then he'd grab me in the "bad spots" and make it hurt... Now as an adult I'm SEVERELY hypervigillent. Im always EXTREMELY keyed up. It's almost impossible to settle down... and my startle reflex is so high. Like higher than anyone I've ever met. But he also was the most loving too (and even then it was very enmeshed and unhealthy and conditional) which makes it even worse and more confusing in my eyes. But the love.... I felt like a lover in a way. But there was soooooo much genuinely loving and healthy connections. In fact he was almost always loving.
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A Brief Overview - My Story, TW
Trauma Support / by LovelyChantel
Last post
 September 25th, 2017
...See more What started and contributed to the development of C-PTSD and dissociative issues First trauma: Premature birth (3 months early). Lots of invasive and painful medical procedures for 3 months (was in hospital NICU for 3 months), I died more than once. There was little parental bonding during this time due to being whisked away and kept in incubator and hooked on other machines. After first trauma, ages toddler to adult - severe physical abuse (severe beltings starting at an early age (possibly, going off of memory fragments), sadistic/painful and "weird games", etc), severe psychological abuse (emotional, verbal, mental), parental alienation/severe covert incest, RA (religious/systematic abuse), and sexual abuse (possibly as a child, no memory just feelings and symptoms), countless rapes ages 17-22. Some possible torture also but not sure if it can be 'termed' that it not. Also a witness to violence against others throughout childhood. What about all of you? What do you feel contributed to your issues as adults? May this be a place we find support and release.
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Trauma Survivor - New to 7 Cups
Newbie Hub / by LovelyChantel
Last post
 September 25th, 2017
...See more Hello. I'm new here. Looking to have support and give it also.
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