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Luckyfox56
2,484 M Hopeful Heart 5
PathStep 17 Compassion hearts26 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2017 Member sinceJune 24, 2015
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Talking Body, Here... (Mature Content- hoping that's okay)
Depression Support / by Luckyfox56
Last post
 May 20th, 2016
...See more I've had depression since a big rejection that happened 7 months ago, and one of the biggest factors that feeds that depression is my body. There is so much wrong with it... I'll try to explain it as well as I can. I didn't have too bad of a self image before the rejection but afterward I just couldn't stop thinking that it was because of my body. Then, the details became more noticeable, and then, it seemed like the whole world was against me. Several people have called me fat as I've grown up, but it was never a huge problem.. Until a few weeks ago when I giant group of people was talking about how they wondered what it was like to be fat, and then all turned to me. Then, one of the friends that used to tell me I wasn't fat admitted that they were telling white lies. That's when I realized that everything bad that I felt about my body is true and that's why nobody wants to be with me, love me, date me, or anything relating to that. Everybody says that it's what's on the inside that counts but nobody acts on that... I have very sensitive skin so I have perpetual rashes and pimples and dryness all over my body... I have stretch marks all over my body... One of the worst things is that I'm a guy, and (gettting into the mature content here), I have a below average sized [you know]. There is SO MUCH shame there because everything everywhere always talks about the importance of having a big (or at least average) one. It's inescapable. And yes, I KNOW that it's below average- I'm not just comparing to pornography or anything like that. But the thing is that I'm still going through puberty but I still feel so much shame for possibly just being a late bloomer (even though the rest of my body is fully developed). Even in places that say that "size isn't everything", they still say that it's still something. And it makes me so mad because I'm Pan and I don't have a preference for size at all, but everyone else won't stop talking about it and it hurts so much. Lastly, I'm Genderfluid, but I look so manly, and I hate that. I look so fat and manly and gross and so unable to pass off as a girl EVER. And as a man I feel like a failure because of the whole size thing- plus I'm not buff or skinny, obviously... So... Yeah, I hope you guys can help me with this somehow. I just wanted to get this out somewhere to finally say it and hopefully get some real help.
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