Mallie217 Member Profile

Late 20s homebound NEET with college experience but no degree and BDD. What are some realistic paths to financial independence?

Motivation & Accountability / by Mallie217

June 3rd

...See more I am in my late 20s and have been a NEET/hikikomori for most of my adult life, outside of occasional attempts at college and a brief seasonal job. My biggest barrier to participating in society is my self-image. I have a litany of physical qualities that I perceive as highly unattractive as well as other qualities such as voice, limited life inexperience, limited intelligence and lack of verbal fluency too that are more apparent in more intimate settings where I have to essentially market myself, network and overall interact with others (think school and work). Because of this, I can only bring myself to go outside if I am wearing heavy clothes that cover my face and body which becomes physically impossible and isolating in the warmer months. I want to earn an income, contribute to my household, and eventually build a path to moving out, but my barriers are high: * Severe Agoraphobia/Anxiety: I struggle immensely with in-person settings, but I also have intense anxiety about speaking during online/video calls. * Unstable Environment: My mother frequently shuts off the home internet as a form of control, making consistent, high-bandwidth remote work highly risky. * Academic Struggles: I have attempted college several times since 2016 but always end up withdrawing due to poor sleep, executive dysfunction, and the inability to attend mandatory in-person classes. I don’t have a degree. * Perfectionism: I struggle with a "what's the point" mentality because I feel I am too far behind my peers to ever catch up. Given these constraints, I am looking for advice on: * Are there low-barrier, asynchronous online skills I can teach myself that don't require constant, high-speed live video interaction? Skills in general for when the internet is better? * What kinds of entry-level remote work exist that can tolerate an unstable schedule or can be done primarily via text/email? * For those who entered the workforce late in life with a highly resume-gap-heavy background, how did you land your first role? * Anything related to overcoming BDD, unhappiness with who I am and my quality of life? I am willing to learn, but I need a starting point that accounts for a very fragile mental state and a difficult home environment. Thank You

Does anyone have any advice, success stories and/or personal experience at all with overcoming challenges with avoiding people and places outside?

Anxiety Support / by Mallie217

June 23rd

...See more I am a late 20s guy in the US (living in a major city) who has essentially become a NEET and a hikikomori (homebound). I suspect I am dealing with Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD), Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD), agoraphobia, and potentially undiagnosed autism. I’ve had periods where I’ll lose weight and in tandem with overall deluding myself into thinking I’m not ugly by making certain faces in the mirror or only looking at myself from certain angles and under particular lighting, I’ll be able to slowly function again, but I don’t know if I can do that again because there’s only so much delusion I can live by. My biggest barrier to participating in society is my self-image. I have a litany of physical qualities that I perceive as highly unattractive as well as other qualities such as voice, limited life inexperience, limited intelligence and lack of verbal fluency too that are more apparent in more intimate settings where I have to essentially market myself, network and overall interact with others (think school and work). Because of this, I can only bring myself to go outside if I am wearing heavy clothes that cover my face and body which becomes physically impossible and isolating in the warmer months. This has created a severe compounding cycle: * Isolation: No friends -> no reason to go outside -> no way to make friends. * Executive Dysfunction: I struggle with poor sleep, low energy, and chronic fatigue, which makes even basic tasks feel monumental. * All-or-Nothing Mentality: I find myself thinking, “Why bother exercising or trying to look better if my best is still going to be awkward and unattractive?” * Healthcare Avoidance: I avoid seeing doctors or dentists because of the anxiety of being perceived, making phone calls, or having people look at me closely. * Underachievement: A lack of skills, a college degree and stable job experience makes it hard to land jobs, even online ones, as far as I know, so I’m stuck and unable to climb myself out of this rut. I’ve worked back in 2024 in-person but haven’t kept in contact with any potential references and attended school on and off since 2016 without earning myself a degree between these challenges, changing majors, not knowing what I want to do, being afraid of classes where I have to speak in front of others and simply not caring much about anything because of my challenges and low quality of life. I recently made some very small steps at home (bought an electric toothbrush to build a routine, started doing jigsaw puzzles to reduce screen time, and am researching basic meal planning), but the wall keeping me inside feels insurmountable. For those who have dealt with severe BDD and avoidant patterns, how did you break the cycle of hiding? How do you handle the anxiety, shame, embarrassment, discomfort of simply being seen by other people in public spaces and by simply existing as someone whose body you’d rather not be associated with? Thank you

Any listeners accepting new members?

7 Cups Online Therapy / by Mallie217

April 20th

What's an efficient and free way of anonymously sharing personal challenges getting input and feedback from many intelligent people (outside of cups)?

7 Cups Online Therapy / by Mallie217

December 5th, 2025

It’s nearly impossible to make friends on here

Friendship Support / by Mallie217

September 29th, 2025

My Loneliness & A Desire for Friendship (Updates)

Friendship Support / by Mallie217

September 30th, 2025

...See more (Check out my profile page to see the first post) I could really use some second opinions, everyone. I'm a lonely guy in my 20s. I'm not working anymore due to some prevailing mental health and physical health challenges including AVPD, anxiety, agoraphobia, BDD, being ugly, sleep deprivation and probably some others I'm forgetting that make me partially choose to and partially unable to go outside. It's a mix of not feeling comfortable going out, going outside bringing about negative feelings, becoming more afraid of outside with time, the climate outside and also just becoming accustomed to being inside. I don't have in-person friends or connections to rely on. I'm trying to take classes remotely which has been tricky, so while I'm not a NEET, I still identify with the lifestyle as well as with terms like hikikomori & shut-in. This is something that has changed between my last post and this post which seems like a positive change. Another change is that I made a new friend online who I've been talking to for around a month now. This won't become anything romantic, but friends are still very important, and so I feel lucky to have made another one. However, there aren't any real changes on the romantic end of the spectrum. And the more time passes, the more I question whether or not I'll ever find someone. I mean, I've already given up on something in-person, perhaps I should realize that it just won't work out in general.

My Loneliness & A Desire for Friendship and more

Friendship Support / by Mallie217

July 15th, 2025

...See more I'm a very lonely 27 year old guy. I'm not in school or working anymore due to some prevailing mental health challenges that are affecting me in such a way where I'm partially choosing to and partially unable to go outside. This leaves me very lonely. I don't have any friends or family I'm close to. Some old friends reached out to me online recently which is nice, but it's not enough. They're not always available and I feel like I'm not appreciated enough. I wish I could make more online friends who understand what it's like to be me - someone who is going through a hard time in life. We could partake in some fun hobbies and interests, talk about our days, emotionally support one another, help each other accomplish goals, and share the good things life has to offer. But there's more. I wish I could find a girl in particular who could give me a bit of love and affection too. I've never been in a relationship and find my loneliness to be moreso romantic than platonic in nature. I find that both friends and someone more are hard to come by, especially because while I have a lot of hobbies and interests, I'm concerned that I don't know enough or engage with some of them to a point where I feel like I could bond over those things with someone else and feel a connection. I'm not completely sure about that, but that's the feeling I get. Growing up, I never went out much and even now due to old habits and prevailing mental health concerns, I don't go outside much and spent a lot of time indoors playing Nintendo games like Pokemon and Mario Kart and feel like especially with the former, if someone also shares that interest, it'd be easy to connect with them. I feel like it's especially hard to find romance online because among other things, there aren't a lot of girls who frequent the websites I use and the few who do usually have partners, lots of male attention and/or are not looking for the same thing I am. I'm a listener on here too and while it's nice to help others, I find that I need help too, but even with the help of listeners, the most that I get out of it is temporary relief for my loneliness.

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