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MarianTheSiren
2 11,411 M Pacing Forward 5
PathStep 54 Compassion hearts274 Forum posts61 Forum upvotes62 Current upvotes62 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2026 Member sinceDecember 8, 2014
Bio

I struggle with depression, OCD like symptoms and BED. I'm a college student studying literature and foreign language. I'm in therapy and I recommend everyone try to get professional help if they need it. It's difficult, but worth it. I know the struggle of trying to get through college even when it takes everything you have just to shower regularly.
I like literature, politics, writing, goth, industrial, grunge, and newbeat music (to name a few), art, history, and lots of other stuff.

Recent forum posts
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One little thing that helps me
Anxiety Support / by MarianTheSiren
Last post
 April 29th, 2021
...See more I like to collect fragrances. Lately, I've found it really therapeutic to wear perfume or body spray. I catch whiffs of it throughout the day and I find it soothing. It's kind of like aromatherapy in a way.
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Helping my hopeless friend?
Depression Support / by MarianTheSiren
Last post
 September 10th, 2018
...See more A good friend of mine is feeling hopeless and I don't know how to help him. He doesn't want to hear things like "it'll get better" or "stop feeling sorry for yourself." I would never tell him to stop feeling sorry for himself, that's just something he's been told a lot. And I know how it feels because when I first experienced depression I got told that a LOT and it wasn't helpful. He really is in a bad situation in life, no real friends and his family treats him badly. He's living paycheck to paycheck and tries to fill the void with material things but he knows he's just filling emptiness. He has every right to feel down, the problem is he doesn't see a way out of it. He said he's not sure if he wants help. I feel helpless. There's nothing I can do if he doesn't want help. He had inspired me to go back to therapy and given me hope, so I hate to see him like this. I don't know how to return the hope and inspiration.
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Finding Myself After Depression?
Depression Support / by MarianTheSiren
Last post
 February 18th, 2016
...See more I developed depression around 11 yrs old, and sort of came of age experiencing life through the filter of depression. It became part of my identity, my concept of myself, what inspired my music and poetry. Now that I'm not depressed anymore I don't know who I am. I don't know myself anymore, I don't feel like I have niche. Now I get those song lyrics that say things like "I'm happiest when I'm depressed." Not that I want to be depressed again but it was familiar. I got comfortable in a weird way. I don't really know how to develop my identity now, it feels like starting over. Which is great but scary. I hope this doesn't come off the wrong way, I definitely don't want to go back to the way I was. I want to keep moving forward, I'm just not really sure how. I was wondering how other people went about this? It's kind of like...I recovered. Now what?
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Obsessive, irrational worry about boyfriend cheating?
OCD & Related Behaviors / by MarianTheSiren
Last post
 May 19th, 2016
...See more Excuse any improper grammar, I'm on through my phone. I read in probably the best overview of OCD I've ever read that one of the symptoms of OCD is obsessively worrying about infidelity. And lately I've been consumed by the worry that my boyfriend might be cheating on me, even though he has never given me any reason at all to think he would be. It's irrational but I can't get rid of it and nothing is really consoling me. I was wondering if anyone else experiences this? I mean it's one thing I'd you've been cheated on in the past or if you have actual reason to be suspicious, but in my situation it's purely irrational. How do I deal with this?
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Is this part of skin picking? Part of OCD?
OCD & Related Behaviors / by MarianTheSiren
Last post
 January 2nd, 2016
...See more With my teeth I bite the inside of my cheeks. I tear up the inside of my cheeks, sometimes to the point of bleeding. I bite and tear at my lips too. I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't do that is. The inside of my mouth has never EVER not been torn up. I also pick the skin around my nails when nervous or uncomfortable. I don't realize I'm doing it until it hurts, and then I can't stop. I just HAVE to pick off the skin even if it bleeds and hurts. It'll drive me nuts otherwise.
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How to Succeed in School Despite Depression?
Depression Support / by MarianTheSiren
Last post
 October 28th, 2015
...See more I'm trying. God knows I'm trying. It's just, I can't get myself to sit down to study. And then when I do, I can't focus at all. AT ALL. I sit there and read the same sentence ten times and still think, "what did I just read?" I'm failing college algebra, and struggling to keep up with the classes I like. It's not as if I'm putting off school work for things I enjoy, because I can't focus on things I like long enough to do them. I can't read books I've been wanting to read, I can't sit still long enough to draw anything. I thought about going to the school library, but I don't like being at school. I have class two days out of the week and I end up crying almost every day that I'm there. I feel like I'm slipping through the cracks and no one will believe that it's due to depression because how can I prove that it's depression and not laziness? I also don't want to have to explain, it's embarrassing. What should I do? I don't know how I can be successful like this. I'm in therapy but honestly I feel worse than before. No meds at the moment. Advice?
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